A baby album in the making....

I made a scrapbook page for Ruby's non existent baby album during nap time today... (I did NOT do the dishes..oops) 

I got MDS!

I've been thinking about digital scrapbooking for awhile...mostly because what keeps me from getting pages done is actually getting the photos printed...figuring out ahead of time how to crop them....  which ones to enlarge, which sizes...and then... what if I change my mind.

So, a Stampin Up! demonstrator who's blog I'd been reading for ages had a great promo for the My Digital Studio program...and that made me take the leap.

I have so much to learn.  Some things are easier than I expected...some things are harder (I imagine I just need to learn how to use the program).

Here's my first try:

I actually bought this scrapbooking kit (the paper kind) when I was pregnant, so that I could make an album for my little Pickle... I'm only 10 months behind!  Imagine my delight when this is one of the paper sets that comes already installed with the software.  SCORE!

I used a layout from my book "Cherish" from Close to My Heart.   I love to use those books to help me with layouts...I'm NOT a natural with scrapbook layouts.

A place for craftiness

I often think about posting my crafty things, like sewing, knitting, spinning, cards or scrapbook pages, like I used to on my other blog.  But since it is really all about the baby now.... it seems weird to stuff a picture of yarn or a card in between all the baby pictures.  So, now all my craftiness has it's own place.  The blog name is the same as my Etsy shop name...  some things on this blog will be listed in my shop, or available for custom order, while others will just be my own personal crafty business, but, now it all has it's place.

Five years ago.....

5 years...

Wow,  So, We've been married for 5 years.   This is the first year that we won't be celebrating on the actual day...   we have secured childcare for tomorrow..yay!  So we will do our yearly trip to Red Lobster...Mmmmm...   to reenact our wedding meal... but I usually end up with more shrimp than lobster, and usually not steak at all because so close to summer I feel like I may as well cook that myself on the bbq...ha!

How amazing my life is.   How blessed I am!  What a wonderful husband (now a father) I have been given.  How can one person be so lucky..... well...they can't.  I am often struck by how undeserving I am of my life (yes...even though I totally whine about things...shame on me!),  what a gracious and merciful God I have, that He would give me all of this, despite who I am. 

I looked back through our wedding photos...wow...   I love them.....  I loved my dress...I felt amazing....  it was the one and only time in my life that I have ever been happy with my body and how I looked, even if I did still think I needed to lose 15lbs.   Here I sit 5 years later, 54 lbs heavier than when we left for our wedding.  Wow, that is motivating (please, let that be motivating enough) to finally kick things into gear and lose this weight...UGG... I hate being huge... HUGE....  it must end....

...now...where are those chocolate chips....

Breaking me......

The more time I have to reflect on all the circumstances and "trials" surrounding Ruby's birth and our early days....the more and more I see how God is still constantly having to break me.   I must be the thickest person!  

Why, after all this time, am I still so stubborn about my self-reliance....my strength (both physical and emotional), my attachment to pain tolerance (which for some reason makes me feel powerful and strong), the thought that I just have to be stubborn enough and I can do it.  The thought that if other women can do it, well then of course I can.  

Well,   there you go.... I sooooo fancy myself tough, and strong, and able to do it on my own.... and I don't even know it.    All the time I pray and tell God that I want things according to His will, and His way, and His timing.....and that I know all my strength comes from Him, and that I can do nothing apart from Him.   It would seem, that even though I try to say that, and try to think that, and actually believe that I DO think and believe that....it's still not in my heart. 

So all this time when I wonder why God would want things to go this way...why God would want it to be so much more than I can handle...  I guess it's because as much as I have said that I'm relying on Him...and my strength is in Him...and all according to His will.   In reality....there is a place in my heart, that I haven't been able to change, and it isn't listening to my head, the head that is submitting to Him..... that place in my heart that I didn't even know existed is still very very stubborn, and unable to give up my own strength and self reliance and the deep down thoughts and belief that I am strong!  I am tough!  and I can do it all myself! 

No... no I can't...  He has shown me again,  by taking me so far beyond what I can handle, that I can do nothing without Him.  All the credit, all the glory, belongs to Him.  All the strength, all the power, and yes, all the pain tolerance :)  belongs to God.  Myself, I can do nothing.  He has had to break me AGAIN!    I really really hope I learn this time....because man.... getting broken is no fun...no fun at all!

Looking back....

Wanted a no drug home water birth - Had a horrible 27hr hospital birth with pitocin, epidural, 1.5 hours of stitching, no healing, surgery 8 months later…frankengina

Wanted to breastfeed - Had defective boobies, and a starving baby… bottle and formula feeding

Wanted to do at least some babywearing - Couldn’t walk or sit normally for so long, that it wasn’t really an option…and haven’t gotten around to it now…I still use her little pouch/pocket thing sometimes though

Wanted to keep my weight gain to 30lbs max - Gained at least 50

Wanted all baby weight gone by 4 months post-partum - Still couldn’t exercise then… just starting now…still at 2 week post partum weight…and 50lbs up

Wanted a flexible schedule…for my own sanity - Ruby put herself on one…and it’s great for us

Wanted to be bright and shiny - post partum depression

Wanted to enjoy the early days with my baby - Was so unprepared for just how bad it would be

Wanted to cloth diaper - Yes! Still going on this...and we love it!  One out of 50 ain’t bad right?

Wanted to be a mom - I’m a mom! And she’s amazing. Our gift from God, and none of the above matters one little bit

A week (or so) in pictures....

March 31, 2011 She LOVES modelling knitwear for me :)

March 31, 2011  I'm a big girl...and I can hold my own bottle....but only when I want to!

March 31, 2011   Auntie Nica spelled my name in my cheerios!

Same picture...different angle... see how cute I am!

April 4, 2011 -  I cried almost the whole day!  ..but look how sweet I am for the few minutes I sat quietly and happily to "read"

April 6, 2011 - Myah stands at the door and looks out, for hours every day...  Now..Ruby has started joining her there.  Myah and Ruby.....best friends.   They both love the other SO MUCH!

April 6, 2011 - A super duper fun playtime with Grandma and Grandpa today!!!   Woot!

Hmmm, was that you God?

So,  one of my major issues is a near paralyzing issue with social anxiety.  I used to have knit nights, and go out to things and it was fun fun fun, but, not so much in the last few years.  It seems that when stressed or going through "stuff" my crazies get bigger and bigger. 

One of those crazies being a rather compulsive germophobia, like, to the point that I can't eat public food (I consider open bowls of chips, cheese and cracker trays, and any sort of serve yourself buffet to be public food), the other being a rather intense social anxiety.  The idea of being a greeter at church is absolutely terrifying... as is anything that would involve me being on stage (more on that later) and meeting new people. 

In fact, when I meet new people I almost never remember their names, and I could even forget their faces.  It's not because I don't care, it's because I'm concentrating so hard on not crying or throwing up, and trying to not seem too nervous that I forget everything...everything.  I frequently not only forget people's names, but I forgot tell them my name as well.  Eg.  person "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Sally"  me "Hi! Nice to meet you"  notice...no mention of my name... and I'm confused by why the person is looking at me funny...until much later...

So, On Sunday when I saw someone that I knew I'd never met before, and felt like I needed to go say hi to her, it was not a normal or comfortable occurrence for me.  First, I wondered if she was new to our church...but really, just because I've not seen her doesn't mean that she hasn't been there for months, it's a really big church now, and we have two services, and most of the time I'm rushing around to pick up baby, or find H or what have you....    Second, ummm, I don't randomly walk up and talk to people...this is terrifying.

So, I tried to ignore it, but it didn't go away.   So I prayed that if God wanted me to go and talk to this person, He wouldn't let me forget (I forget a lot too).  And...well, He didn't let me forget.  I went and said hello, and had someone else (who's way better at social than I am) talk to her too.  So, after all that rambling for such a simple occurrence....  the whole point of my post is that I'm wondering "So, was that you God?".  And it strikes me as pretty obvious.  Yes, that was God.  So, why do I question it so?  Well, perhaps because I've been so wanting to hear from God lately, and wondering if I do, or if I'll hear, or if I'm just numb and unable to hear.  So, I've been praying, and God answered.  He always does.... I suppose I just worry, that I'm unable to hear Him.

A progression: From playtime to naptime

"See, I'm cute.  When I put my head to the side like this you're supposed to say "Awwww""

"Oh, yes!  By all means, take my picture.  You know I love the camera mummy"

"MMM, fence is almost as tasty as cucumber"

"Well, I wouldn't expect you to understand, but it really IS tasty,  I don't know why you adults insist on only eating "food""

"Ha Ha Ha Ha EeeeeeK!  I am SO EXciTeD!"

"Huh?  Where are you going with that camera, you're taking pictures of me remember"

"You come back here,  give me my camera...."

"Ha, it might take me awhile, but I will get it..."

"It's almost mine, I'm SO close!"

"Wait, why did you move back, I almost had my camera"

"My mummy is (sob) so (sob) MEAN (sob,sob)"

"Why!?!?!?,  Why!?!?!?"

"I'm just going to lay here and cry...my life is SO HARD!"

Adventures in Cucumber

Ruby is moving more towards eating whatever we're eating.... well... right now she still eats a lot of her "baby food"  but, she's starting to have bits of whatever we're eating for dinner.  She had spaghetti last week, and some brown rice (really her bib and high chair had brown rice) at lunch this week.  Today at lunch she got some lettuce and cucumber to chew on....the lettuce was "meh", the cucumber...now that was a hit...

 "Mmmm, the center is the tastiest, AND it provides a nice carrying handle"  What...you don't believe me that she said that?!?

 Here's the "Aren't I cute" head to the side pose.

Maybe she'll use those legs afterall :)

Saturday sketch challenge

I just found this blog site…. it’s fantastic!!!    and… I used this weeks Saturday sketch to make a card for a friends baptism today.  Yay!

The blog site is Stamping 411  and I'm feeling inspired!

Day 9: Passions and Hobbies

Harold is my subject again for this one.   No… I’m not saying his passion and hobby is television watching…lol…but I am saying it’s politics.  He’s watching something on Fox news here…..I’d like to say Megyn Kelly (because I love her)…but it’s more likely Glenn Beck   Ruby just LOVES sitting on the couch with daddy!  I think perhaps that’s her passion for this time.

Day 8: A gift from the heart

Day 8 is “A gift from the heart: what they have said, promised, done, given”

Harold is my subject today…and what he has given me is a godly husband, a leader of our family, the promise of continually seeking out the Lord’s will for our life and family, a father to our daughter, and a teacher to us both….all the while holding up and being here for his consistently slightly frazzled wife.

Day 6: Who THEY love

You would not believe, how CraZy excited Ruby gets when she sees her cousin S…if only I could get a picture of that!  S is amazing with Ruby, and it is just a delight to watch them together.  Must be all that practice from being a big sister, that makes her so good with Ruby.

Day 7: Generations

I had a hard time picking this picture… there were quite a few cute ones with Grampa …but…I love how she’s eating his zipper in this one…so it wins

I played around with metering and the camera settings and as it turns out…spot metering is a bad idea for us… ha!  Ruby’s face kept coming out white white white…

….and yes…I’m missing Day 6…but that’s because I decided to use a picture of Ruby and her cousin…and I didn’t want to post that unless her parents are OK with having her picture on my blog.

Day 5: What you love to hate…

The bottles… they’re that tiresome thing that always seems to need washing…  they used to be a constant reminder of failure and brought pain…now…they’re both a freedom (I can go anywhere…anyone can feed Ruby) and a chore.

Day 4: What they Wear

A sweater knit by Grandma, is worn constantly….it’s washed and put back on…washed and put back on…I will always remember Ruby in this little sweater, with this little dress which is the first thing that I sewed for her…her “Thanksgiving Dress”.  And she wears this dress….and more like it, over longies…knit by mom….  it’s like her little baby uniform…

Day 3: Then and now

No new pictures today…just a fresh look at a couple of old ones

Day 2: How she looks

Well, I'd really like to replace this photo....  with one where the subject is not blurry....and where you don't see our unmade bed behind her with the mattress peeking out.... (I even tried to blur the background in GIMP...but I have zero experience in any real image manipulation.... )

...but this facial expression... the concentration.....this is the one...

this picture (above) a friend did a little blurring for me in photoshop…below is the original

Day 1: What she does…

She cries….

… but look….catchlights!