Saturday, February 28, 2015 stops you from living.

I've never really thought of myself as a perfectionist.   I've always thought "well, those perfectionists, they actually have things that are perfect".   Well, I don't.  I just don't.   I often just don't do things.    I often just look at, or think about things, but do nothing.    Paralyzed.   What if I do it wrong?  What if I make some horrible, irrecoverable mistake!    So, nothing happens.  

What does your house look like?   Do you love it?  I always thought I would love mine.   I'm CRAFTY, people!  I can do stuff!   

Oh,..but not if it leaves a mark.   Not if it can't be easily undone.   Not if it's.....permanent.    

Gosh.  No.   

....but I look.   And I think.   And I wish.   And I'm malcontent in my surroundings, because, they're just not peaceful.  They're not pretty.  They're not nice.    They're messy.  They're bare.    They're....boring. 

I USED to decorate!  I used to be FREE!  I used to hang pictures.   Before we had a "new house", I used to decorate.    I didn't even call it decorating.  I just hung things up, and moved things around and it sort of evolved into something pretty, or cute.   When I was poor, and I mean broke, totally, broke, my places were way prettier than this house is.   I wasn't afraid of messing things up.  They had no place to go but up!  There was NO RISK!    I took what I had, and made my places pretty.   In one tiny apartment I hung up my pots on the wall.  It was like a super thrify gallery wall.  One friend came over and said with a puzzled look:  "that looks good..... it shouldn't...but.... somehow, it does" 

 Seriously, there is not a SINGLE picture nailed and hung up in this entire house.   I have a problem.     I can't bear the thought of putting in a nail hole if it's not the exact perfect spot.   What if I need to change things.  What if that doesn't look good.   

So. We painted in March.  Last March...... Nearly a whole year ago.   What's on the walls.   Nothing.   

Ok, now there is something.  After nearly a year. I have finally hung some hooks on the wall for towels.   I bought them about 10 months ago.  I hung them last week.  One is crooked!!!!   Very crooked!!!  It's OK!   I'm surviving.  No one has commented on it.    I love them!  They work.  They're functional, they're even....almost pretty.  

I'm going to do it.  I'm going to decorate this whole place.   I'm going to stop wishing, and dreaming, and wanting.  I'm just going to do it.   It won't be perfect, and there may be mistakes, but that's OK.   

"If I want my home to be a safe place to make a mistake, I’ll lower my standards for myself first, be forgiving of my own mistakes, laugh at myself–and allow others to see that."

"If I want my home to be comfortable,  I'll first stop apologizing and focus on others instead of myself."   

"If I want my home to be a place of rest, I'll consider my attitude and the tone I set when I am home"

(from The Nesting Place)

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