Primed VBAC Childbirth Prep - Post 4

Prepared

Hormones:  

I just finished watching the hormones video.  It's funny when things make sense years later.   I already knew a bit about the hormones involved, but nothing about catecholamine involvement, and the effect that can have.   It's just...hmmm...something that makes me think back.   And realizing how bad the environment in that room was, all around...just bad. bad, bad, bad.   

Lol...  who knew I'd be taking a trip down memory lane!?

Primed VBAC Childbirth Prep - Post 3

Section 1:  Informed

Labor 3: Transition, Pushing, Birth

What I got the most out of this video is the pushing instruction.  It's honestly so very different than what I've had before, and after taking the Core Foundations course, I knew it would be, and I was really looking forward to getting to this.

I've had two vaginal births.   One went horribly, one went beautifully.   After BOTH, I looked like I'd been strangled.   I had little broken capillaries all over my face, my eyelids especially, all down my neck, even onto my chest.   I literally burst all my bubbles when pushing.   I know I was holding my breath, but...I was told to do it that way.  I don't think that I would have been capable of doing it any other way without prior instruction, but now I know.   And I really hope to push differently this time.

Being told the real deal about transition.  Being told the real deal about all the less than glamorous stuff.  Being told the truth about how beautiful, and also how hard, and sometimes scary, and really, really physical this all is....and....  some of it is just downright gross.   Karli hasn't said that, she has more tact than me :)  but I just did.  Some of it is gross.  There. 

I'm really appreciating all the TRUTH I'm feeling coming from this course.   Perhaps it's because of my first childbirth experience.  Maybe I was told the truth then too, and was just in lala land and couldn't see it? Maybe?  but what a rude awakening and traumatic experience I had.     I'm going into this all with a sort of apprehensive "maybe I can do this"  feeling.    This is encouraging me to have a little more confidence, not through a "you can do this!  no problem!" sort of instruction, but rather a "this is going to be hard, this is going to be physical, this is going to be an intense marathon, but you can still do it" sort of instruction.    

Truth, AND encouragement.  

I'm really loving this class.  Karli is delightful, and I feel like I've got a close friend telling me the truth over coffee.   What do you think the chances are that she'd like to come to Canada and be at this baby's birth with me?  Ha!

Primed VBAC Childbirth Prep - Post 2

I had a few notes that were really from before post 1.   The first thing I noticed when I started the course was that the whole layout is beautiful! 

Here's what I had written back then... 19 days ago...when I actually started:

The whole layout is beautiful!  And clear, it's very easy to see the whole overview of what's going to happen.  

I'm in the first section, and I LOVE that the videos are broken into several shorter videos and not one huge long one....I never seem to find time to watch one huge long video, but when they're under 10 minutes it's just so freeing to be able to watch one when I have a few minutes...and even watch it a second time and be able to find the right spot.

Also...I had no idea only about 8 percent of people try for a VBAC! 

LOVE that I can take a course and don't have to leave my house!  It's hard to coordinate childcare and time out, etc. This is so fabulous!

Now I'm back up to speed.  Tonight I watched:

Section 1:  Informed

Labor 2:  Active Labor

It's funny, on my laptop when I'm watching these videos, my screen shows the title of the video on the left, with a circle under the title that looks like a "play" button to me.   It's not, it's just an image, but every time...EVERY TIME even now that I know, I click that image two or three times before I go "riiiiight"   and move over to the play button on the actual video on the right of the screen.  Ha!  You'd think I'd adjust, but nope.

Ok, once again, I love Karli.   Here are a couple of things that I love.  She's real... she says things that I believe.  This will be tough, this will be intense, and I love that she talked about how our mood will change and everything that will go along with that.   

She mentioned changing the energy a few times, and for me, as soon as someone starts talking about energy I halfway tuning out. Ha...  that's my own thing.   I took it as changing the positions...  changing what you're doing...changing your method/approach, etc.   Makes sense!

Loved the memory about someone she was with changing it up, and going for a walk in the snow, and also her protrayal of that, was that it was HARD, but that hard was GOOD, because that's how we get closer to having a baby!

I don't know about you....but.... before my first labour, I read a lot, and I prepared a lot, and I got my hands on everything I could, and I have to say, after I finally had my sweet baby girl in my arms.  I felt tricked!  I felt lied to!  I can also tell you that I took my "Bradley Method" childbirth book, and I threw it across a room into a wall.... likely several times... LIES!  LIES I TELL YA! 

This is real.  I've been through 2 labours, the first I went 15 hours before getting the epidural, the second, was an induction from the very beginning, and the whole thing was 9 hours.  I think I went 3 hours before getting the epidural, not because I was past what I could handle, but because I had such FEAR of experiencing what I did the first time.  Both babies were posterior, and I had back labour both times.  My third baby was a c-section because she was breech.   Who knows what #4 will bring.  I just know, there is a 99.9% chance that it will be an induction.   Hopefully ending in a VBAC and not another c-section.   We shall see...in about 10 weeks!  

I have to get moving!  10 weeks left, and I have this course to go through, and I want to start the prenatal core right after.  

Exciting days ahead.   As I watched the video tonight my little man was kicking up a storm, head down, feet up....  stay that way!  

Primed VBAC Childbirth Prep - Post 1

So, I can't believe I'm on day 18 of my access!  WHAT!     Things have not been super happy in the Robson house.   The kids are getting ready to say goodbye to Grandpa, Harold is preparing to say goodbye to his dad.  His always present, constant, wonderful dad.   Things have not been normal around here.

So...I started, and haven't continued, but.....  time keeps moving forward....since I have to deliver around 37 weeks, I only have about 10 or 11 weeks left of this pregnancy.  That's a little sad, but also a lot exciting.  I can't wait to meet our little man, but I'm also really conscious of the fact that this is the last time I'm going to feel those little kicks and wiggles, and all the awesomeness of pregnancy. 

The VBAC course!

I think the first thing I noticed about this course is the "instructor".  That's in quotes, because it feels more like I'm having coffee with a friend.   Really, I don't think I'll watch anymore videos without a coffee in hand (half decaf with double cream if you're wondering).   She's so pleasant, she's full of information, yet, it doesn't feel at all like a typical instructional video where someone is reading scripted rehearsed points to you.   Honestly...this is just lovely. 

I just finished watching the "Early Labor" video (do you know how hard it was for me to type labor, instead of labour...but I wanted to properly quote the title....)    Love the tips about how to know if it's really show time go time, or if it's going to be come and go.    Hydrate...don't exhaust yourself....alternate activities....  don't cancel that dinner date/movie/bbq.      Yes, I'm on my 4th baby, but I've never gone into labour naturally, so I really don't have a clue.    Honestly, I likely won't get to go into labour naturally this time either, what are the chances that would happen before 37 weeks?!  Ruby was 42 full weeks and still didn't want to budge.   Hey, a girl can dream though right....HAHAHA!  Who dreams of going into labour!!!  Ha!  

Ok, so... another point I just have to mention. The videos....they're short.    Yes...short.  So far all under 10 minutes.   Can I just express my gratitude about this.  There is no way that I would find time for a bunch of 40 minute videos, maybe a couple, but not one after another... but 5 different short videos..  3 minutes, 8 minutes, 9 minutes. 10 minutes... that I can do.  I see a 19 minute video coming up, but I'm sure during nap time I can manage the 20 minute one....hopefully even tomorrow!

Ok, So far I've watched:

Under the "Informed" section:

- Welcome to Primed VBAC

- Intro to Labor

- Labor 1: Early Labor  (oops....typed a "u" there and had to backspace again)

See...I'm behind...but I will catch up!   I'm going to start the Prenatal Core Course right after this, and I can't wait.

My goal is to watch "Labor 2: Active Labor"  and perhaps even "Labor 3: Transition, Pushing, Birth" tomorrow.   

Conclusion: I expect too much.

Anyone else like me?    I'm sure you are....of course you are!

You plan it out, you make your list, you have your items of the day.

Your list is maybe....10 item tasks long.

I'm talking 9 or 10 things that are not on your "do everyday" list.   This doesn't include the dishes, or the laundry (or maybe if you're as behind on folding as I am...it does), ....it doesn't include:  feed the dog, feed the fish, empty the dishwasher, wash the sink dishes, put away the counter stuff, start a load of laundry, dress the children, hair brushing, teeth brushing, cooking breakfast/lunch/dinner....annnnnnd...lets not forget HOMESCHOOLING!    

Honestly, just the regular daily stuff is enough to fill up the day.   Really, it is...it's more than enough, if it wasn't, then I wouldn't be behind on laundry folding, and I would vacuum the stairs far more often.   I also want a little time to...you know... talk, snuggle, hang out with... these wonderful children that we chose for me to stay home with.   What's the point of even being home if I'm not going to **STOP** sometimes...and just BE with them.    Honestly, I should just put this on the list, because it seems like the day is over and we haven't just held still to be together. 

This is all running through my mind today, as I renew an effort to "get it all done before the baby arrives"    but, is that really possible.  I mean without hiring a nanny, and perhaps losing my mind?

I'm starting to realize, that I really need to lower my standard of productivity on those extra things. 

I make a list... I've been using Susan Sly's production notebook lately....and it's really great for figuring out what my priorities are and what I really want to get done....but you know, it never occurred to me that it was too much for me to do until today.

Today I realized just where I am.   I have about an hour that I could spend on those extra things a day, if I'm lucky, and if I don't waste time.   That's an hour.  ONE HOUR.   Perhaps somedays it is more, and other days it's even less, but roughly ONE HOUR.  

So now that I realize, I really only have ONE HOUR, I need to make some choices.  Either, I don't use 3 categories, or, I use less items per category.   

Ok, see, now I'm not done typing, but... a little boy just brought me a book and asked me to read it...so, I'm going to STOP!!!  and just be with him for the next 15 minutes. 

Go BE with someone you love...right now! 

Welcome back....a bajillion updates!

Well, to say things have been busy on Mount Robson would be a bit of an understatement!  I can't believe my last post was in March!    So many thoughts, so much prayer, and searching and wondering about the future of our family, of my potential home business, of our home, our finances, our children's schooling.   Just...everything!  No trauma... nothing drastic has happened to make all these things come up to the surface and need to be worked out, just.....life.    Just....wanting to be intentional about what we're doing in our family, in our home, in our lifestyles.

What have we figured out?

Well.   SURPRISE!!!  We're having another baby!  Now...how that all came about is a story for another day.    Wow.. let's just say, I thought God was closing that door, when in fact, he was clearly saying "here you go, the answer is yes!"  Praise God, He is good...all the time...He is good. 

If you read my last post, you will know that I was struggling with what God's will is towards a potential home business for me.  I was struggling with putting a whole bunch of effort into something that wasn't directly related to spreading the gospel.  I wasn't really sure what I was thinking, but I was overwhelmed when sitting in a seminar, and when learning about business, and how to share good news, thinking that if this was successful in sharing good news about health...how much better would it be to share that good news about faith?! 

I wasn't sure at the time, what that meant.  Did it mean that I should walk away from that business?  Did it mean that I should go forward, but be careful to not let it overwhelm my time (I was leaning heavily towards this thought at the time, since we're homeschooling, and have 3 small children), did it mean that I should be a missionary!  ha!  Pretty sure it wasn't that last once...I feel strongly that my mission is right here in our home.   Or was it just pointing out to me, that if I can do this, I should be more bold in sharing my faith with others, in the same way that I'm happy to share the changes in my health, and my body, and my lifestyle?

So, months went by, and I casually remained in the same place.   I prayed, and pondered, and prayed and pondered, and I came to thinking, that I was in no way being told that I shouldn't do this.   I DO feel that I need to guard my family's time.  Guard that time that is meant for my children, and guard that time that is meant for Harold, and guard that time that is meant for me to be taking care of here.    What that means, is that....sigh... I need to be FAR more organized than I am!

So...  Here I am.   24 weeks pregnant tomorrow, with a precious little boy!  He's already awesome.   He's already named, and he's already so loved, and so much a part of our family that the kids talk to him every day,...which, by the way, is the cutest thing EVER!

So... here I am....blogging about getting organized again.    I have about 13 weeks.

My top 3 current focus points:  wait... to clarify, this is in addition to daily living stuff of course... like homeschooling, loving on my babies, cooking, cleaning (ok..I'm not good at that), exercise and bible study and all those regular daily things.....

#1    I'm FULLY jumping in to building some additional income for our family.  Now I see the freedom that can come from this opportunity I have.  This isn't something that should take away from the time I have to spend with our family, this is something that can FREE UP the time I have to spend with our family!  This can be the answer to the tight finances, to budgetting for that homeschool curriculum that looks great, to paying for the activities that the kids love, and that we love to provide for them.    There is no reason for me to stop now, since my products are free...that would just be silly!  On to the next goal... significant additional income.   There.  I said it out loud.  I have a goal, and it's honestly a really, really big one.   :D  And I'm excited.  

#2   A clean house.  Yep. Really.  Clean, decluttered,  tidy...  Ok, clean decluttered and tidy ENOUGH...for me to stand it and stop looking around in dread.  ha!    This includes a load of fun house projects and Cozy Minimalist/Cozy Minimalist Mom homework and super fun stuff.
A hook wall for the front hall, so the kids can hang all their winter stuff, walls in the basement!!! Walls in the basement!!!!    A room... a real room.  Yes.

#3   Healthy baby, healthy body, easier birth and recovery.   I'm going to do another Tummy Team course.   Oh, how I love the Tummy Team.  I've said it before, but it's true, that's really where my whole journey back to health started.    I took the Core Foundations course, which was amazing and nearly closed my diastasis, and now I want to take the prenatal core course.  I'll blog about it!  Can't wait!
I'm also continuing with Isagenix throughout this pregnancy.  It's amazing!  I don't think I'd have made it through the first trimester without it,...really...I had such a meat aversion.  I'd have had no protein at all!  It's also kept my weight gain from going out of control (ummm...like my previous pregnancies), I'm right in the normal range!  YAY!!!

Ok, that's a big update.   Enough for now.    I'm sure I'll be expanding on those three big goals in separate posts over the next while. I'm feeling the blog urge again!  

...but what if...that was all for Jesus?

Recently I went to a conference.  The conference was put on by the company I'm working with, and it was so much fun.  Really, I loved it,...and....I got away from the busyness of home for a night, which was refreshing and made so many things seem possible. 

So, this conference, this was really about network marketing, and sharing this product, which I love.   I love it so much, and I feel sooooo much better, and have so much more energy (most of the time...I'm still a mom of three littles and I still stay up too late), it seems to spill over into all areas of my life.  I'm more productive!  I'm decorating the house, and getting more reading done, and I'm able to do so much more because I feel good.  This makes me want to share it with everyone!   Good news!  You can feel better!

Now this conference is about learning how to share this wonderfulness with others.  There was a lot of listening to successful people.  There were people there who have made LOADS of money, people who have made lots of money, people there who have made some money, and also people who are just starting out.   They're all talking about sharing this, and how to do that.  

It's wonderful training really.  Not at all specific to the nutrition system I'm using (although other parts of the day were), this particular session of the day was really about network marketing skills.

So, there we are, we have this wonderful gift, here is how to share it with others!
Whisper:  but what if the gift we were talking about sharing with people was Jesus

People are excited!  They're telling stories, we're doing little exercises to be effective speakers, and we're doing little practice things
Whisper:  imagine if all these people were this excited to share the gift of salvation through Jesus

We're learning that we should have a 30 second story.  We should know our 30 second story because if you want to share something, you don't have much time, because peoples interest is not going to last through your 20 minute ramble.   We make our 30 second stories, and practice telling them to each other.    All of this is so far out of any sort of comfort zone, this feels stupid.  I feel stupid.  
Hmmmm:  ...but I recall Cory teaching that we should have our 30 second story.  

Over, and over, and over throughout the day, I just kept being hit with this:  How many people could be reached if this many people had this much passion for sharing the Gospel!!!

Well, that's really not a very eloquent post, but this has been rolling around in my head since February 7th.  Really.  February 7th.  I seriously sometimes just lay in bed and think about it.  Anything at all I do to learn about any business related stuff at all....I think of it.   All I can think of, when I think of business, of any kind (other than my work in the lab) is..... What would or could happen, if all of this effort, and all of this stepping out of comfort zones, all of this pushing ourselves (myself) further, all of this making contacts, and just seeing if people are interested, just saying "it's here if you're interested" what if all of this was done, not to build any sort of business at all,... What if this was all done, to build God's kingdom instead.  

What if one person could be saved, because instead of telling them about a product, I told them that the bible says that they are not alone, that every one has sinned, but there is good news!    Jesus died on a cross to pay the price for our sin, so that we can be saved!   All we have to do, is accept the incredible gift of salvation, through Jesus Christ, and follow him.  That's it.  

There is nothing that I can do to save anyone.  That's not my job, but it is my job to tell people that Jesus can.  

So there you have it.  I'm not sure where this all leads, I don't know if I'll be pursuing any business (likely just dabbling), I don't know what I'll be doing, but I do know, that there is a sort of conviction hitting me, that if I'm going to put forth so much effort to spread the good news about something, it had better be the good news of salvation through Jesus Christ!    Nutrition is awesome, but that's of this world...and we are far more concerned with your health for eternity than we are with your health here on earth!  

I'm certainly no expert on biblical matters.  Wow, nope, not me, but if you happen to stumble upon this and want to know more, I can tell you all I know, and I can find you a bible, and I can help you find the answers you're looking for.   I myself, have been blessed beyond belief with a wonderful church family, and I'm sure if you have questions that I can't answer, I'll be able to find someone who can.

Lots of love.

Debbie

Make it Pretty NOW!

Which leads me to another thought I've had lately.  All these plans and tasks about decluttering before making things pretty.  I've been waiting to make things pretty for so long, because I thought I had to have it completely decluttered first.  But you know what!  Decluttering is boring!  Sure, it feels good for awhile, but I have a serious task here, and keeping up is work.... so forget it! 

Make things pretty!!!!  The making things pretty brings the motivation to declutter!  The two work TOGETHER!  Don't wait to make it pretty!  Make it pretty NOW!   

I wish I'd known this two years ago.   It's like I felt as though I didn't deserve to make it pretty, because I couldn't make it tidy first.   Now, I realize I was just punishing myself because I felt some stupid guilt about being a horrible housekeeper.   There, I said it, I'm a horrible housekeeper.    Oh well.   Jesus saves horrible housekeepers too :)    I am alive in Christ, and I'm forgiven!  (If only being a horrible housekeeper was the worse sin, what a wonderful world this would be)

Painting and camera play

 We did some fun painting yesterday, and I did some fun playing with my camera on manual yesterday.   I pretty much never use my camera on manual, because it takes me forever to figure it out, and then the chance that I'll have a usable picture is...hmm...well, lets just say I'm taking a chance, and Christmas or Easter are not good times for experimentation.

 

I kept this one, because I love it.  I love those big blue eyes, and the white and the pink.  I know it's wrong...but I don't care!  

 Ok, there, that's a little better.  Hello ISO.   

 Sadly, our table has two sides (I'm joking here), and half the people sit on the side facing away from the window, and therefore end up with a shadow on their faces..and since this is casual Thursday painting fun, and not a photo shoot, we just leave it alone, and let the cuteness of the children make the photo bright, rather than the skill (or lack of skill) of the photographer. 

 Hard at work here.  What a handsome fellow.

 Intense concentration.   That really sums this girly up.  Intense.

Oh, this princess is so beautiful now I will KISS HER!   Yep, and eat paint.

 "Look, Mommy.  I painted my nose."  Two seconds later.  "GET IT OFF!!!"  ((tears))

 I just like this one.   

 Nope, still can't take a nice fireplace picture.   That's OK, the fireplace is far from done. I've got time to learn.

 Oh, pretty wall!   Yep, the couch is bare, because somebody peed on the make-do slipcover.

Ohhhhh, and look at that.  Do you see spring peeking through?  I DO!!!!   :D

Update:   I scooped a bunch of poop today, and I discovered that Myah (the dog) has been eating a lot of crayons.  She's literally been pooping rainbows!

I'm going to go buy that slipcovering e-book now. Somebody hold me.

Where did all this sudden momentum come from?  Well, around Christmas time my friend Lisa, told me about a blog she'd been reading, and the concept of reasonably clean.   I started reading.  First about laundry, and then about cleaning, and then about everything else.    I got taken away and gobbled up the words of Leila on Like Mother, Like Daughter.  It seemed common sense really, but, honestly, I've just been living in a snowball of house disaster.  It came slowly, a bit at a time, like a frog being boiled or something like that,  so I didn't even see it happening until one day I looked around and didn't know how to get out of it.

I've talked a little about the perfectionism problem, which I CLEARLY don't have...since nothing here is even remotely close to perfect :)  right?    hmmmmm.....

I've started and given up on so many "get your house in order" challenges that I can't even remember them anymore.    There seems little point in putting a timeline on any of this anymore, because it turns out, timelines just make me feel like a big gigantic FAILURE.   I do much better with a list of tasks, with no specific dates or times attached.  I will work through the list and cross things off as time allows, and feel accomplished.   Life at home with 3 little children, does not make timelines and schedules for anything other than the essential very practical.   People get sick, sleep is lost, days or weeks go by with nary a thought of what that plan was.  I need to be able to pick up where I left off, and not feel bad about it.

So, yeah, I'm slowly cleaning and tidying.  

So here I go.   I'm going to buy that e-book on making slipcovers.    We have a good sofa.  It's a hand me down, but it's a good sofa.  It's a Sklar Peplar or something like that.  It's in great shape,...but...it's flowered.  It's actually really pretty, but all those flowers just make for a busy, busy, look inside my busy, busy house.

Here is the link to the e-book from Pink and Polka:  http://pinkandpolkadot.net/ebooks

I tried to use the Nester's affiliate link, but it didn't work.  Sorry, Nester, I do love ya. 

So, here's my before:

This is the couch, as is.   It's nice and curvy, too!  I'm sure that will make it much easier to slipcover!

...and here is a preview of my hopeful after:

Aren't my iPad pictures FABULOUS!   errrrrrr..... that's what I have time for.  See the kids, yep.  They're fabulous, but they also make it tough to grab my camera, then transfer photos, and then send photos to my iPad, and well....we're just going with old iPad photos.  

So yeah, that's my couch with a couple of white Ikea sheets thrown over it.  I did that for a preview a few weeks ago, and liked it so much that they've been there ever since.    

I think it's time to finally buy the ebook.   I hope I can actually manage to sew a nice slipcover.    Yes, white.  Yes, children.   Yes,  it's OK.   It's a white slipcover, not a white couch.  :D

I did it! ...and I'm ridiculous!

Well, that was quite the battle for my brain.   There was a point where it didn't look like I'd ever hang anything.   Facebook, man.   Friends on Facebook.   Thanks Erin and Maureen!  

Seriously, Erin.   You must think I'm totally ridiculous.   (because I am)

...but I did it!

And here is what the living room looks like now:

Next steps:   Wire board wall in the dining area, and finally buying that e-book about making a slipcover...so that I can take the white Ikea sheets off the couch!   They were just thrown on there to see what a white couch would look like, but I liked it so much, that I haven't taken them off!

Calling all decorators!

Ok friends.   Here are the pieces I want to hang up.  

The two on the end are almost exactly the same size (the canvas baby, and the metal piece), the blue pitcher painting (done by my mother) is a bit smaller.   

How would you arrange them?   I gotta do it quick!   It's nap time.  

Seriously...I'm very close to just putting them up there the way they're layed out right now!  ha!  that's just the way I put them on the couch.

Annnnnnd.. GO!

My new favourite blogs. A snowball, and what type of light should go here?

I've looked around before, and seen so many decor websites and other things, and it just feels to staged, and extravagant, and professional, and...hmmm.... not me.    Beautiful, sure, but just doesn't feel like something that I can do.

I'm really happy with the things I've found, and am getting more comfortable with. We're going for a comfortable lived in, but pretty look. Not really a professional designer look. We're going with very few purchases, and just finally finding places for things that we already have and love, but have sitting in storage or leaning against a wall instead of hung up.

I'm really enjoying two blogs right now "Like Mother, Like Daughter" and "The Nesting Place" They're both really different, but also really similar with the "make it pretty with what you have" and "it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful" mindset.   I used to read the Nesting Place all the time, but I unsubscribed from ALL blogs a couple of years ago.  I've found it again, it's fabulous.

Comfortably pretty, and reasonably clean. I love it! It's freeing. And I'm avoiding adding anything else to my "toolbox" because I don't want things to get over cluttered and clogged up and stall my progress. Of course Pinterest has enough clutter to clog up anyone's brain but that's just pictures that I'm pinning for inspiration and possibilities.

I definitely have a tendency to spend too much time looking, and wishing and planning, and never spend any time actually DOING because I'm afraid of messing it up.

So, it won't be perfect, and it likely won't follow all the "rules" but that's OK, because it's our house, and we can change it any time we like, or if we love something, we can keep it just the way we like it, whether it breaks any rules or not.

As it turns out, I've already found that this "make it pretty" thing is going to snowball.   

See that?  Yes, that light fixture.  We don't use it.  We've never liked it.  It's glare-y.   We've always known that we wanted to replace it with...something.    But now, I see it in that mirror, and now, I want to change it out NOW.   Lol.   So, What sort of light fixture would you put there?  I have no idea where to even start with styles.   Suggestions?   I kinda wish there just wasn't a light there at all. 

The fireplace mantle. AKA something fun and pretty

I have a plan!   I have a pinterest board with the "final choices" of looks that I'm going to emulate (read: copy as best as I can, but I suck at decorating and my budget for this is shockingly close to zero, so I'm going to call it "emulate" because it sounds better than "fail to copy effectively")

Here is my "inspiration" (aka: thing I'd ideally like mine to look EXACTLY like, but read above paragraph about lack of decorating talent and coin) (get it..talent and coin...little biblical fun punery for you there, you know you love it)

Ok, here it is:

(found this on Pinterest)

I know!  Gorgeous right!  Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?!?!

...alright, and here's what I've got:

Hmmm...some pretty gorgeous metal work there from Little By Little that I'm seriously in love with, but it's going to live somewhere else, and finally be displayed properly...that's another project, and another post...baby steps here.  Photo gallery art wall thingies are definitely a novice decorating skill, and I'm still at super green, flat out beginner.   

Have I mentioned that I'm pretty good at keeping plants at the brink of death for years at a time, with them neither thriving nor dying.  Ok, some of them die, but some of them just hang on!  Every couple of months I remember they are there, and I water them.  I'll try to be better to you dear resilient plants.   

Anyways, my plan was for a thrify old frame mirror..but it turns out, sometimes it's cheaper and easier (and quicker) to just go to the Target that is closing and buy a mirror on cleanance for $17.99.  YES!  Done.  Score!

Here's what I have now.  It's a work in progress, so please give my green decorator skills some grace. I do think it's a huge improvement though!  

I apparently also need to learn how to take pretty pictures of fireplace mantles, because I promise, it actually looks so much prettier than this!

I still want to change out the plant pots for white pots, get some height working with some of these things (and luckily I have a photo of a look that I love, so I can copy heights of things from there...who knew), and of course, some sort of beautiful piece of driftwood, or more likely, a gnarly piece of deadwood from the farm that I decide to call charming and see if it will pass.   

Oh, here's a picture of it with the candles lit.  I promise, it really IS an improvement in here!  The metal work isn't staying there, it's just there because I have no safe place to store it until I hang it.  Gotta find it's home!

Prettier than before, right?   Not bad for amateur hour over here.   :D

Goodnight!   Go make something a little bit prettier.    Go smile.  Go hug.  

In case I ever look back and wonder if it was ever really bad....yes...yes it was.

So, this happened.   We had this hall closet.   It started out as a regular closet, that just got jammed with stuff.  All of our out of season jackets, junk, piles and piles of stuff.    

Before we even moved in I knew I wanted to change this closet into a pantry closet.   Eventually I did.   I didn't really get used as a pantry for very long though.  It quickly got changed over to holding out of use kitchen appliances, cleaning supplies, my cases of diet pepsi (which it doesn't hold anymore!), and now it also holds kids activity and art items, aquarium supplies, and a bit of food. 

Well, the door broke awhile ago.  I can't even tell you how long ago, but it's been broken for a long time, and it can only sit there open.   I'd buy a new door, but truth be told, it's not knowing what to do to dispose of this current door that is holding me back.  You see, it's a MIRROR door!    I picture shattered glass allllll over the place.   How do you throw away a gigantic mirrored door? Anyone know?  Please tell me.  

Oh...so, it sits open.  And then my sister brought me a box of stuff that was mine, and I just stuck in in front of that closet just after Christmas, and then everyone got sick, and then it got messier, but I couldn't move around the box, but I was always going to get to that box later, and then more things piled on, and then instead of putting stuff in the closet where it goes I started just tossing it in the general direction of the closet.  (yes.   I mean it.)

Here:

(((SHAME)))

OH!  but look at me go!!!    (side note:  yes..that is a potty seat on the floor... Bug is potty learning, and it just ends up there...independence, you know)

Back to the closet of DOOM!

YAY!   Nails!  NAILS, MY FRIENDS!!!   I'm hammering them in all over the place.  I nailed down everything that wasn't nailed down!  (I thought that clever while I was typing).

It's still not pretty.  I mean, really...it's a closet with a broken door, and it's used to store aquarium supplies, pots, appliances, cleaning products and kids art supplies....occasionally some hidden tasty food.  How pretty can it be without a door or a thousand dollars worth of pretty organizational glass containers! (that would end up in tiny pieces on the floor)

....but look at it now.   A spot for everything,...even for the big bin of craft supplies that still need to be organized themselves.

Yes...it's true...I even hung up the jumbo colouring books.  The broom, the mini broom, the Bona mop, the fly swatter, and even the vacuum cleaner attachments, which I never use, and actually used this week because they were so handy to grab.   

And now I can walk through that hallway and not cringe.   It's wonderful.   Not pretty yet, but wonderful... and I can breathe a little easier.  Next stop, the rest of the front hallway.  No wait, that's too much ugly and not enough pretty.  Next stop is something fun.   

I can't believe I'm posting my closet explosion on the internet for all to see.   Why would anyone care about my closets.  I have no idea. Whatever, there it is. 

Perfectionism...it stops you from living.

I've never really thought of myself as a perfectionist.   I've always thought "well, those perfectionists, they actually have things that are perfect".   Well, I don't.  I just don't.   I often just don't do things.    I often just look at, or think about things, but do nothing.    Paralyzed.   What if I do it wrong?  What if I make some horrible, irrecoverable mistake!    So, nothing happens.  

What does your house look like?   Do you love it?  I always thought I would love mine.   I'm CRAFTY, people!  I can do stuff!   

Oh,..but not if it leaves a mark.   Not if it can't be easily undone.   Not if it's.....permanent.    

Gosh.  No.   

....but I look.   And I think.   And I wish.   And I'm malcontent in my surroundings, because, they're just not peaceful.  They're not pretty.  They're not nice.    They're messy.  They're bare.    They're....boring. 

I USED to decorate!  I used to be FREE!  I used to hang pictures.   Before we had a "new house", I used to decorate.    I didn't even call it decorating.  I just hung things up, and moved things around and it sort of evolved into something pretty, or cute.   When I was poor, and I mean broke, totally, broke, my places were way prettier than this house is.   I wasn't afraid of messing things up.  They had no place to go but up!  There was NO RISK!    I took what I had, and made my places pretty.   In one tiny apartment I hung up my pots on the wall.  It was like a super thrify gallery wall.  One friend came over and said with a puzzled look:  "that looks good..... it shouldn't...but.... somehow, it does" 

 Seriously, there is not a SINGLE picture nailed and hung up in this entire house.   I have a problem.     I can't bear the thought of putting in a nail hole if it's not the exact perfect spot.   What if I need to change things.  What if that doesn't look good.   

So. We painted in March.  Last March...... Nearly a whole year ago.   What's on the walls.   Nothing.   

Ok, now there is something.  After nearly a year. I have finally hung some hooks on the wall for towels.   I bought them about 10 months ago.  I hung them last week.  One is crooked!!!!   Very crooked!!!  It's OK!   I'm surviving.  No one has commented on it.    I love them!  They work.  They're functional, they're even....almost pretty.  

I'm going to do it.  I'm going to decorate this whole place.   I'm going to stop wishing, and dreaming, and wanting.  I'm just going to do it.   It won't be perfect, and there may be mistakes, but that's OK.   

"If I want my home to be a safe place to make a mistake, I’ll lower my standards for myself first, be forgiving of my own mistakes, laugh at myself–and allow others to see that."

"If I want my home to be comfortable,  I'll first stop apologizing and focus on others instead of myself."   

"If I want my home to be a place of rest, I'll consider my attitude and the tone I set when I am home"

(from The Nesting Place)

http://www.thenester.com/2012/10/31-its-really-not-about-the-stuff.html