I did it! ...and I'm ridiculous!

Well, that was quite the battle for my brain.   There was a point where it didn't look like I'd ever hang anything.   Facebook, man.   Friends on Facebook.   Thanks Erin and Maureen!  

Seriously, Erin.   You must think I'm totally ridiculous.   (because I am)

...but I did it!

And here is what the living room looks like now:

Next steps:   Wire board wall in the dining area, and finally buying that e-book about making a slipcover...so that I can take the white Ikea sheets off the couch!   They were just thrown on there to see what a white couch would look like, but I liked it so much, that I haven't taken them off!

Calling all decorators!

Ok friends.   Here are the pieces I want to hang up.  

The two on the end are almost exactly the same size (the canvas baby, and the metal piece), the blue pitcher painting (done by my mother) is a bit smaller.   

How would you arrange them?   I gotta do it quick!   It's nap time.  

Seriously...I'm very close to just putting them up there the way they're layed out right now!  ha!  that's just the way I put them on the couch.

Annnnnnd.. GO!

My new favourite blogs. A snowball, and what type of light should go here?

I've looked around before, and seen so many decor websites and other things, and it just feels to staged, and extravagant, and professional, and...hmmm.... not me.    Beautiful, sure, but just doesn't feel like something that I can do.

I'm really happy with the things I've found, and am getting more comfortable with. We're going for a comfortable lived in, but pretty look. Not really a professional designer look. We're going with very few purchases, and just finally finding places for things that we already have and love, but have sitting in storage or leaning against a wall instead of hung up.

I'm really enjoying two blogs right now "Like Mother, Like Daughter" and "The Nesting Place" They're both really different, but also really similar with the "make it pretty with what you have" and "it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful" mindset.   I used to read the Nesting Place all the time, but I unsubscribed from ALL blogs a couple of years ago.  I've found it again, it's fabulous.

Comfortably pretty, and reasonably clean. I love it! It's freeing. And I'm avoiding adding anything else to my "toolbox" because I don't want things to get over cluttered and clogged up and stall my progress. Of course Pinterest has enough clutter to clog up anyone's brain but that's just pictures that I'm pinning for inspiration and possibilities.

I definitely have a tendency to spend too much time looking, and wishing and planning, and never spend any time actually DOING because I'm afraid of messing it up.

So, it won't be perfect, and it likely won't follow all the "rules" but that's OK, because it's our house, and we can change it any time we like, or if we love something, we can keep it just the way we like it, whether it breaks any rules or not.

As it turns out, I've already found that this "make it pretty" thing is going to snowball.   

See that?  Yes, that light fixture.  We don't use it.  We've never liked it.  It's glare-y.   We've always known that we wanted to replace it with...something.    But now, I see it in that mirror, and now, I want to change it out NOW.   Lol.   So, What sort of light fixture would you put there?  I have no idea where to even start with styles.   Suggestions?   I kinda wish there just wasn't a light there at all. 

The fireplace mantle. AKA something fun and pretty

I have a plan!   I have a pinterest board with the "final choices" of looks that I'm going to emulate (read: copy as best as I can, but I suck at decorating and my budget for this is shockingly close to zero, so I'm going to call it "emulate" because it sounds better than "fail to copy effectively")

Here is my "inspiration" (aka: thing I'd ideally like mine to look EXACTLY like, but read above paragraph about lack of decorating talent and coin) (get it..talent and coin...little biblical fun punery for you there, you know you love it)

Ok, here it is:

(found this on Pinterest)

I know!  Gorgeous right!  Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?!?!

...alright, and here's what I've got:

Hmmm...some pretty gorgeous metal work there from Little By Little that I'm seriously in love with, but it's going to live somewhere else, and finally be displayed properly...that's another project, and another post...baby steps here.  Photo gallery art wall thingies are definitely a novice decorating skill, and I'm still at super green, flat out beginner.   

Have I mentioned that I'm pretty good at keeping plants at the brink of death for years at a time, with them neither thriving nor dying.  Ok, some of them die, but some of them just hang on!  Every couple of months I remember they are there, and I water them.  I'll try to be better to you dear resilient plants.   

Anyways, my plan was for a thrify old frame mirror..but it turns out, sometimes it's cheaper and easier (and quicker) to just go to the Target that is closing and buy a mirror on cleanance for $17.99.  YES!  Done.  Score!

Here's what I have now.  It's a work in progress, so please give my green decorator skills some grace. I do think it's a huge improvement though!  

I apparently also need to learn how to take pretty pictures of fireplace mantles, because I promise, it actually looks so much prettier than this!

I still want to change out the plant pots for white pots, get some height working with some of these things (and luckily I have a photo of a look that I love, so I can copy heights of things from there...who knew), and of course, some sort of beautiful piece of driftwood, or more likely, a gnarly piece of deadwood from the farm that I decide to call charming and see if it will pass.   

Oh, here's a picture of it with the candles lit.  I promise, it really IS an improvement in here!  The metal work isn't staying there, it's just there because I have no safe place to store it until I hang it.  Gotta find it's home!

Prettier than before, right?   Not bad for amateur hour over here.   :D

Goodnight!   Go make something a little bit prettier.    Go smile.  Go hug.  

In case I ever look back and wonder if it was ever really bad....yes...yes it was.

So, this happened.   We had this hall closet.   It started out as a regular closet, that just got jammed with stuff.  All of our out of season jackets, junk, piles and piles of stuff.    

Before we even moved in I knew I wanted to change this closet into a pantry closet.   Eventually I did.   I didn't really get used as a pantry for very long though.  It quickly got changed over to holding out of use kitchen appliances, cleaning supplies, my cases of diet pepsi (which it doesn't hold anymore!), and now it also holds kids activity and art items, aquarium supplies, and a bit of food. 

Well, the door broke awhile ago.  I can't even tell you how long ago, but it's been broken for a long time, and it can only sit there open.   I'd buy a new door, but truth be told, it's not knowing what to do to dispose of this current door that is holding me back.  You see, it's a MIRROR door!    I picture shattered glass allllll over the place.   How do you throw away a gigantic mirrored door? Anyone know?  Please tell me.  

Oh...so, it sits open.  And then my sister brought me a box of stuff that was mine, and I just stuck in in front of that closet just after Christmas, and then everyone got sick, and then it got messier, but I couldn't move around the box, but I was always going to get to that box later, and then more things piled on, and then instead of putting stuff in the closet where it goes I started just tossing it in the general direction of the closet.  (yes.   I mean it.)

Here:

(((SHAME)))

OH!  but look at me go!!!    (side note:  yes..that is a potty seat on the floor... Bug is potty learning, and it just ends up there...independence, you know)

Back to the closet of DOOM!

YAY!   Nails!  NAILS, MY FRIENDS!!!   I'm hammering them in all over the place.  I nailed down everything that wasn't nailed down!  (I thought that clever while I was typing).

It's still not pretty.  I mean, really...it's a closet with a broken door, and it's used to store aquarium supplies, pots, appliances, cleaning products and kids art supplies....occasionally some hidden tasty food.  How pretty can it be without a door or a thousand dollars worth of pretty organizational glass containers! (that would end up in tiny pieces on the floor)

....but look at it now.   A spot for everything,...even for the big bin of craft supplies that still need to be organized themselves.

Yes...it's true...I even hung up the jumbo colouring books.  The broom, the mini broom, the Bona mop, the fly swatter, and even the vacuum cleaner attachments, which I never use, and actually used this week because they were so handy to grab.   

And now I can walk through that hallway and not cringe.   It's wonderful.   Not pretty yet, but wonderful... and I can breathe a little easier.  Next stop, the rest of the front hallway.  No wait, that's too much ugly and not enough pretty.  Next stop is something fun.   

I can't believe I'm posting my closet explosion on the internet for all to see.   Why would anyone care about my closets.  I have no idea. Whatever, there it is. 

Perfectionism...it stops you from living.

I've never really thought of myself as a perfectionist.   I've always thought "well, those perfectionists, they actually have things that are perfect".   Well, I don't.  I just don't.   I often just don't do things.    I often just look at, or think about things, but do nothing.    Paralyzed.   What if I do it wrong?  What if I make some horrible, irrecoverable mistake!    So, nothing happens.  

What does your house look like?   Do you love it?  I always thought I would love mine.   I'm CRAFTY, people!  I can do stuff!   

Oh,..but not if it leaves a mark.   Not if it can't be easily undone.   Not if it's.....permanent.    

Gosh.  No.   

....but I look.   And I think.   And I wish.   And I'm malcontent in my surroundings, because, they're just not peaceful.  They're not pretty.  They're not nice.    They're messy.  They're bare.    They're....boring. 

I USED to decorate!  I used to be FREE!  I used to hang pictures.   Before we had a "new house", I used to decorate.    I didn't even call it decorating.  I just hung things up, and moved things around and it sort of evolved into something pretty, or cute.   When I was poor, and I mean broke, totally, broke, my places were way prettier than this house is.   I wasn't afraid of messing things up.  They had no place to go but up!  There was NO RISK!    I took what I had, and made my places pretty.   In one tiny apartment I hung up my pots on the wall.  It was like a super thrify gallery wall.  One friend came over and said with a puzzled look:  "that looks good..... it shouldn't...but.... somehow, it does" 

 Seriously, there is not a SINGLE picture nailed and hung up in this entire house.   I have a problem.     I can't bear the thought of putting in a nail hole if it's not the exact perfect spot.   What if I need to change things.  What if that doesn't look good.   

So. We painted in March.  Last March...... Nearly a whole year ago.   What's on the walls.   Nothing.   

Ok, now there is something.  After nearly a year. I have finally hung some hooks on the wall for towels.   I bought them about 10 months ago.  I hung them last week.  One is crooked!!!!   Very crooked!!!  It's OK!   I'm surviving.  No one has commented on it.    I love them!  They work.  They're functional, they're even....almost pretty.  

I'm going to do it.  I'm going to decorate this whole place.   I'm going to stop wishing, and dreaming, and wanting.  I'm just going to do it.   It won't be perfect, and there may be mistakes, but that's OK.   

"If I want my home to be a safe place to make a mistake, I’ll lower my standards for myself first, be forgiving of my own mistakes, laugh at myself–and allow others to see that."

"If I want my home to be comfortable,  I'll first stop apologizing and focus on others instead of myself."   

"If I want my home to be a place of rest, I'll consider my attitude and the tone I set when I am home"

(from The Nesting Place)

http://www.thenester.com/2012/10/31-its-really-not-about-the-stuff.html

Merry Christmas!

I attempted to take Christmas photos the other day.  Attempted... 

they're still pretty cute though, eh?!

I just can't keep up!

So, I've pretty much stopped blogging.  I should just admit it, I can't blog consistently.

I am all over Instagram, Facebook, and Ravelry, but I'm just not a blogger I guess.  

October 23, 2014

Today I submitted my “before” photos for the Isabody Challenge. It's 16 weeks, and there are some serious perks to completing it.

Yesterday was my first modified cleanse day. It was easier than I expected, and I really wasn't ravenous at dinner, so I didn't eat a huge amount. I definitely had a smaller serving than I normally would.

Last night I wrote this to a friend, because I was kind of amazed. Oh! The vanity! It comes shining right through in this paragraph. I shouldn't even post such a thing, but I did type it, so here it is now for all to see. “oh..but my face looks amazing tonight! I seriously stared at myself in the mirror for like 30 seconds! What?!?! There is no puffiness anywhere…. my skin looks all good and tight and lovely… and I look thin and glowy!
I'm not sure if I looked any better than this on my wedding day! ha!”

And today I woke up and didn't really care whether or not I had coffee. WHAT?!?! Well, of course I did have one anyways, because it's habit, but it made me wonder, do I really need it. Perhaps it's just comfort. It is comfort, definitely comfort, warm soothing creamy (yes, creamy…but not sugary, bleck) goodness.

I have plenty of energy today. Not hyper energy, just active energy. I've not been struggling, and waiting all day for nap time, so that I could crash on the couch and catch a half hour sleep while Ruby colours. I'm looking around at all the productive things I could be doing instead. I vacuumed upstairs! (still haven't done the stairs…eeps). I have no desire for a nap!

Well, because I posted that photo the other day of where I started, I thought I'd post a current photo. It's full of that awkward “I'm taking a picture of myself with a timer and running to get in the picture and this just feels really awkward all around”, but here it is. There is a dark shadow running all up the left side of me in the current picture, so I look a little thicker than I am, but I've still got a long way to go.

So, that's about what 40 lbs looks like.

nevermind..that picture just won't work..ha.

Thursday October 23, 2014 - Accountability Post

According to my scale I'm down a pound, but since I fluctuate a good 3 lbs, I won't believe it until it stays gone for at least two weeks.

Today was my "cleanse" day, which is really sort of a fast day.  I have been super skeptical of all things called "cleanse".  I resisted this for a long time.   What do you mean by cleanse?!?!   nope...nothing gross,  haha, it's just a fast day, but you have nutritional support during it.   No feeling faint, no walking around starving dreaming of food.  It's shockingly easy.   I am doing modified cleanse days, because I don't want to give up my sit down dinner with my family.  So I break the fast at dinner time.   Hey, you've got to make things work around your life, not the other way around right?

Now that my day of work is done, I think I'm going to sit down with a couple of squares of dark chocolate and some knitting before bed.   

#happyday 

Tuesday October 21 & Wednesday October 22 Accountability Post

Oct 21 results:
What was that I said I was doing yesterday. Oh right... a lot of things. Yesterday was both good and bad. I can proudly say that the leftover Ben & Jerry's won't be tempting me anymore!  I took care of it, but as it turns out, there wasn't much left.

So, checkmarks for staying on track with:
Breakfast
Lunch
"good" snack
School with Ruby

Sad faces for things that did not get done, or that didn't stay on plan:

I did not get the stairs vacuumed, but I did snuggle Olive a lot, so that's even 
Spaghetti sauce didn't get done, so dinner wasn't what it was supposed to be.
I finished off that ice cream...which really, was the responsible thing to do right! Ok, no,...but... today is a new day!

TODAY: Oct 22nd.
Breakfast - good
Lunch - good
Dinner - making that spaghetti sauce right now... but it's got some venison in it..and I'm worried that I won't like it. I'm finicky.
Evening - 2 or 3 squares of dark chocolate.... that's IT!!! (I can do this!)

Other To-Do:
School - Ruby rocked school today. - DONE
Make spaghetti sauce - yes! finally! - DONE
Turn in my 50% for my OWL (this is a knitting project/game thing) - DONE
Take body measurements to I can track success - DONE
Pay bills - (pause..waiting... going to do that now) - DONE
My first piano lesson! - CAN'T WAIT!

Note:  This is posted late, because I forgot to publish it to blogger. 

How about I just start over.

Well, Hello there accountability partner!   What?  You know nothing about this, you say?  Well, in case you didn't know, I'm a bit of a false starter, and a restarter, and sometimes even a nonstarter.   So, you, dear friend reading this (Bueller?  Bueller?)  are my new motivation.   You are going to keep me accountable.   Knowing that I'm posting to YOU everyday, is going to keep me moving ahead.   Or, so that's the plan.   

Things to remind myself:  This is a journey!  I've been working on improving my health and my fitness for almost exactly a year now.   The difference is really amazing.   I feel so much better!  But, I still have work to do.  Now is not the time to grow complacent.   My original goal, was to be back at my starting weight (or final destination, whatever feels right) by the time Olive is 2 years old.    That will be May of 2015!   That's completely obtainable, if I actually stick to it, and do the work, I could reach it by Christmas, 5 months early!

Plan of the Day:

Morning:  (already done)

Coffee with real cream - just back away slowly, I was up much of the night with Olive.

Isalean Shake - Creamy Dutch Chocolate

Ionix Supreme - come on body, winter is coming, get that immune system on alert

Ageless Essentials for Women (AM pack) - this is a little packet of vitamins and supplements, there is an AM and a PM pack, I'm just taking the AM pack one day, and the PM pack the next so it will last twice as long.   That's cheating.   I'm Ok with that.   

WATER - I've already drank about 20 ounces.   I often forget to drink water.  Now that I've given up diet pop (except for the occasional treat) I sometimes forget to drink anything at all.   I decided a couple of weeks ago, (and a month ago, and the month before that) that I'm really going to concentrate on this goal.  First off, I want to start making sure I'm drinking at least 6 regular 8 ounce glasses a day.   Then I'll increase it from there.  

Lunch:  

Isalean Shake

WATER!

Snacks:  Not sure yet, but I'll try to keep it "good" .  WATER!

Dinner:  I'm planning to make spaghetti sauce today, but I'm not sure if I'll get to it.

Water, Water, more Water.

Evening:  OH!  This is the hard one!  Ok, full confession, last night after dropping a package off and the post office at Shoppers, I bought some Ben & Jerry's.  It was delicious.   Half of it is still in the freezer, and I totally grabbed a spoon at 2:30am when I was trying to get Olive back to sleep.   

Movement?  Well, Honestly, I don't think I'll be getting a real workout in today.  

BUT, I'm counting housecleaning, because I still need to vacuum the stairs, and with our beast of a vacuum, that's really a workout.

We aren't making it to bible study, because Olive is getting over a cold, is teething like crazy, and was up much of the night (See above comments about coffee, and 2am ice cream).

We have a school lesson to do this morning, and I need to fit in my own bible study.  I'm behind of the women's bible study.  Bah!   

That right there, with three kids at home, is a full day.  Actually, it's likely more than a full day.   Something will likely slip, but I'm going to try.   I'd better stop droning on, and go do something.   

Here's my "before", I'll update with a current photo sometime this week.   This was taken last June, at my heaviest when I was still trying to breastfeed Olive and couldn't cut out anything or instantly lost supply.   It felt like crap to be that overweight, but looking back, I'm actually pretty happy that I just focussed on feeding Olive, and decided to worry about the weight later.   I wouldn't change that, she's beyond worth it.  

Note:  Apparently...I don't know how to hit "publish" so this is out of order. :)

Update November 2015:   I did it!  I had totally reached that goal by May of 2015.  In January of 2015 I joined an awesome group, and we went to town on the healthy habits.  I started getting up at 6am every morning to exercise, and worked more on healthy meals for the whole family, and continued with Isagenix.   GOALS ACHIEVED! 

Running back to Weight Watchers....and still loving Isagenix

It's Tuesday again!  That means Tuesday Night Running Group is tonight!  Woo hoo!

I'm a little worried...my knees have been super sore.  I'm so glad I found this group, because Chrystal said she's not going to progress the runs until she thinks we're all ready for that.  Which is wonderful, because I've never been able to move through one of these programs as fast as most people.  

Oh...and I joined Weight Watchers again yesterday. Boo!  I hate you Weight Watchers, and I love you.   I love the results, I don't love the tracking.  I don't love realizing how much food I've been eating, and I don't love being hungry.  Haha.  

I've been doing Isagenix on and off for months, and I haven't lost a pound...ya know why...cuz I've not been doing the plan.  There isn't really much wiggle room.  There are no built in splurges, and when I say splurge, I'm not talking about a teeny square of dark chocolate, I'm talking about a big splurge.   I think that's why I always fail at these more strict plans, or eventually go off of them.  I need wiggle room, and I also need something to pull me back, so that the wiggle doesn't turn into an all out boogie.  On WW, I get treats.... I can have little, or big, splurges, and if I keep everything else in check then it all stays on plan.  On Isagenix, or other plans, I break the rules, and then I'm just off...rolling down the hill stuffing my face with potato chips and chocolate bars because "tomorrow I'll start again" so I go all out on that splurge.   Moderation has never been my strongpoint.

I'm still using Isagenix stuff, because seriously...it's so easy, and I really, really do love the shakes and the Isalean bars.   A shake is 6 weight watchers points, and it leaves me feel full, way, way longer than a normal meal with 6 points does.   I was recently criticized rather unexpectedly from someone who I really thought would be supportive, for starving myself on a liquid diet.   I have so many things I want to explain about that, and how it's not true, but really, does it matter.   I hadn't even had Isagenix for breakfast that day!   As I've learned, aside from the weekly splurge points, the Isagenix plan leaves me feeling more full, and I'm pretty sure would top out at more calories than what I'm getting on Weight Watchers.   So, if I'm starving myself at all, it's not because of the Isagenix.  I'm also finally getting protein, fiber and CALCIUM when I drink the isagenix shakes, which I pretty much never, ever get when I'm just eating regularly.   

Anyways.  Weight Watchers again...the one I always come back to.  I always do well for awhile and then I lose steam, then I try other things, then I come back.  ha.   I'm glad it's about the cheapest structured weight loss system you can get.  

Isagenix is helping me have easy access to meals with all the "stuff" I need to keep me going, at low points values.  I'm using them when I need them, but just eating "regular food" if I have something suitable that won't blow all my points too.  

About 30 or 40 more pounds to lose.   I'm hoping it makes my knees happier when I'm running, and that running helps the weight loss along.  

Oh, and I'm ditching Runkeeper, because I'm so frustrated by it.   It usually doesn't log most of my info and I have to go back in and redo it from memory.  Now I'm trying to decide between MapMyRun and Strava.   

Strava seems....complicated.... but I want to like that one... 

I guess neither matter if I can't find a way to carry my phone with me, since I don't have anything else to use, and it seems a bit presumptious to buy a Garmin when I'm only running a total of 8 minutes a workout!

What do people do?  Carry their phones?  Does everyone have a running watch?  Are there smaller devices that can be used for this?  I like to log and track things.  I know it's not necessary, but I love it. Help me.

Edited update Nov 2015:  When I finally fully followed the Isagenix plan, everything changed.  My energy soared, I slept better, I was happier, I was less hungry, and had less cravings.   I finally did it a few months after this post, and I've never looked back! 

The Tuesday Night Running Group

I've been on this "I want to run" kick lately.   I found a post on kijiji about a running group that is free, and it meets at 8:30pm on Tuesdays.   Which is pretty much the perfect time for me.  I can get the kids to bed, or at least 2 of 3, and then go.  Which leaves Harold with just one bedtime, and then some free time for himself (assuming that the last bedtime goes well, and also that the other two stay in bed...it's a gamble).    I found the add, and messaged her, and BAM!  the first night was starting just a couple of days later!  I made it on time for the first meet up!   The timing was really kind of perfect.  I'm so happy that it worked out this way.

The first session was last night.  I was pretty nervous.  I've done a "learn to run"f before (years ago) and it felt hard, and it progressed much faster than I could progress.  This was great!    We did a 5 minute walk to warm up, and then we did 8x (1min run, 2 min walk).   It was perfect.  I was tired by the end, but I could have squeezed out a bit more.  My tummy was getting tired near the end though, and I don't think I'd have been able to do much more while keeping my tummy tight.  I kept trying to remind myself "tummy tight".

Now the best part.  Before we started, we were talking about our history and telling Chrystal our running background/history/lackthereof, and I thought I should tell her about my diastasis.  I was a little hesitant.  I've really not met many people who know about it, and if they do, they don't think it can be helped.   I said (and I hope it wasn't insulting.... I just really didn't expect that she'd have a background in this) "I'm not sure if you know a lot about diastasis?"  AND SHE DID!!!   Then words are flying around like "transverse" "holds you together" "no crunches" "bellybutton in" "tummy tight"  AHHHHH!   I was floored!  And SO happy!    Getting near the end she was actually reminding me a couple of times to hold my tummy tight.   She's fabulous!

Oh...and perhaps really motivating... pardon me for noticing, but she's long and lean and gorgeous, so...it's a bit of a kick in the pants to be jogging next to someone who looks fantastic.  It's kind of like posting a picture of your goal weight (except... she's way beyond my goal weight...and height) on the fridge to remind you throughout the day...except... the picture is running beside you.  Haha!  Ok..I'm weird.

Anyways, the running felt great!   My knees really hurt the first running minute...then we talked a little about form, and to try not to heel strike, but do more of a forefoot landing pattern, which I knew, but wasn't really getting.   SO. MUCH. BETTER!   My knees thanked me almost immediately, also,...I kind of felt like I was flying.  It was so much easier.   I felt light and bouncy...well..as light and bouncy as one can be at 40lbs overweight.  

About half way through, I knew I'd hit that happy point.  I felt amazing. Perhaps that's one small benefit of being so out of shape, you don't have to do nearly as much to reach that endorphin rush. :P

My knees are complaining a bit today, but overall I feel pretty good.   I hope I can keep it up.  Knowing we're meeting up again in a week will give me the kick in the butt I need to actually get out on my own, so that I'm not the only one who hasn't kept up.  

A Good Father

So, Father's Day slipped by.  With a card from the kids, lot's of snuggles, and...well...a lot of being a Dad that day.   That's how Harold got to celebrate Father's Day.   It's kinda fitting, since I celebrated Mother's Day in the ER with Jude.   Harold celebrated Father's Day by hanging out with our family.  Taking Ruby and Jude in the pool, and loading and unloading a minivan.  :D

A few oldies but goodies:

He's pretty amazing.   He went in a little bit late to work yesterday so that he could help get things ready for Ruby's birthday party.   He had to come home for a couple of hours today, because I had to go have an ultrasound and we don't have anyone to watch our kids, other than us.  He's got a lot of stress at work, and boy, does he ever need a vacation, but he doesn't come home and "check out" he never, ever does that.   He's the most hard working, involved dad I know.  He changes diapers, feeds bottles, plays with, cares for, disciplines, and everything in between.   

I saw this on Facebook today...and I grabbed it.   It's perfect.

I am so, so, so, grateful that my children have such a good father.  

She's 4!

This incredibly sweet, smart, funny, caring, sensitive, fiery, beautiful girl, turned 4 years old yesterday.  To say that I think she's amazing, just doesn't quite cut it.   I just don't have the words to express the feelings I have towards this little peice of God's perfection.   

She had a pretty HUGE birthday party.   Few things have left me more stressed leading up to it.   I felt totally unprepared, and worried that the whole thing would be a gigantic disorganized mess.  Then.... it was calling for rain, not just rain, but thunderstorms!  Ahhhhhh!!!!   If you saw the size of my living room, you'd know why I was panicking a wee bit.   There just is not space in my house for that many people. Outside?  SURE!!!   I was counting on outside.  

I prayed...lol...I prayed for sunshine, and no rain, and Thank you, Lord!   It didn't rain!   

Even with all the wonderful friends we had over, I was really missing a few people...  I found myself saying all the time to myself that I really wanted to invite "this person" and "that person" and it was making me feel both a little bit sad, and a little bit bad, because I just don't want anyone left out!...  but then I had to remind myself that I really didn't have all that much room, and I really wasn't organized at all, and I really didn't have anything planned other than "people come over, children play, we give them food and cake".  That's the extent of my epic party planning skills.   There have just been so many things going on.  If you'd have told me when I was working full time, that I'd be so busy when I was staying home, I don't think I'd have believed you.  

Alas, the party seemed to be a hit!  It was hot.  There were wonderful little children running and playing everywhere.  There was a bouncy house (for a little while) and a sprinkler, some popsicles, cake and cupcakes, and wonderful gifts from Ruby's friends.   Some moms got a chance to sit and chat, between running after kids, taking pictures and administering popsicles and freezies.

There were overcooked chicken fingers, and undercooked (and some overcooked) fries, sugar laden juice "cocktail" and ketchup as far as the eye could see.      

I, of course, sent them home with noisemakers in their goodie bags.  Sorry parents.  

I wanna quit the gym.

All Harold and I can think of when we talk about this is the Friends episode where Chandler and Ross end up with a join chequing account.  

So, I joined the YMCA way back in October.  It was AMAZING!!!  ...for a week.   Then we got sick (obviously that was going to happen).   But we didn't just get sick.  Well, we all just got sick, Olive got so sick that it took her months to recover.   She was in emergency a few times, and it was weeks of my little sweety unable to eat without vomiting and having the most horrible diarrhea and bleeding, not just bleeding from the diaper rash, she had that too, but blood in her poop, bleeding from her poor baby intestines because she was sick for so long.  It took her poor little tummy so long to heal.  It was months of titrating her back onto a formula that had some lactose in it.   

Anyways, I think that's what did it.   I was all over the gym idea, until she got sick.  Then even when she was better, I was advised to keep her out of there for a bit longer.   Then the colds started, and those never end. I know it was a bit of a psychological thing for me, there was a bit of fear of seeing my baby so sick again, and not being able to do anything to help her.   It kind of felt like a rational fear.  And then it was months... months of paying for the membership and not using it.   

I felt OK about that because the kids would get their swimming lessons included with the membership.  Then I went to register them for the swimming lessons, and... WE COULDN'T GET IN!!!  That was the reason I was still holding on it the Y membership.  So... we're done.

Now I'm trying to actually USE the Fit2B membership that I have.  Instead of $110 a month, it's $11 a month (once you exchange the US currency for Canadian, it ends up being about $11 for me in Canadian funds).  Now it's even cheaper, because I bought a year membership on sale, for a little more than half the price of one month at the Y.   

...and now I'm actually using it.   I'm doing a video almost every day, or going for a walk.  I don't have to spend an hour packing the kids up and getting there, I can just sneak in 10 or 20 or 30 minutes (Ok, I have yet to do a 30 minute video), while the kids are distracted playing.   I love the lack of rush.  It's calm, relaxed, and fits in whenever I need it to.   I just did a challenge at shower time.  I've done a quick workout on my bathmat before hopping into the shower, or a few exercises while I'm waiting for something to cook on the stove.   

So, I quit the gym.  

She's got LEGS

Check out our tadpole progress!  Legs!  They're growing legs!!!

A momentary spurt of motivation.

So, I want to run.   I don't know why.  I don't like running.  Running doesn't like me.  I've always been slow.  It's always hurt my shins.  It gets hot out.  I don't like being hot.   I don't know when to run.  I don't know how I'll do it.  I don't know if I can run.  I don't know if I should run (due to the diastasis).  

I got these shoes:

They are perhaps the most comfortable shoes in the history of shoes.   They are from Altra, and they are "zero drop" meaning that they don't have a heel the way most shoes do.  Basically my toes, and heel are the same distance from the ground...there is "zero drop", from the heel to the toe. 

I got this book:

I haven't read it yet.   I've only had a chance to read a few pages from the start.  It seems like it's written for...runners...of which I am not.   I still can't wait to get a chance to read it.   

Perhaps I'll be a walker?  Nothing wrong with that.  It is perhaps healthier for my body at the moment, and nearly guaranteed not to do damage and undo all the work I've done with the Tummy Team course.   Regardless, I need to find the time to walk for a couple of weeks before I try to do any running anyways, so that's where I am right now, but "running" just sounds better, feels more motivating.   Maybe it's the idea that I can't really do it with the kids.   I'd HAVE to sneak out on my own for a wee run.  

I don't know.  Not sure this running thing will get off the ground.  I'm not exactly the most diligent or consistent person I know.  I'm a fabulous starter, and we'll just leave the rest of that senten....

Cozy

I've started working on a little blanket for the living room.  Now that we have a new (to us) pull out couch, we have a space for guests, and a couch that seems to fit without needing a slipcover!   The colours in it will go with our new paint, but we do need a little blanket for the living room.   The kids and I are always using my little pink/red shawl, or Olive's knit baby blanket from Auntie Nica (which totally coordinates in the living room, but is a wee bit small.  

Seeing Olive's blanket in the living room made me think about making a blanket for us here, and since Nica gave me the two balls of that yarn that she had leftover, it seemed an obvious place to start.   I started pulling out odd balls of yarn from the stash.   (See!  It's GOOD to have a crazy amount of yarn at your fingertips!)   I have added new colours, and taken some colours away, but I've ended up with this pile of yarn to make a blanket out of:

I'm making the African Flower Hexagon crochet motifs.   (note:  I'm not actually using this tutorial, but it seems to be the most popular)

Here are the few little hexagons that I have so far.   They don't take long to make, but I will need  a LOT of them!

They are kinda fun, and a little bit addicting to make, especially since I want many different colour combinations so it's fun to pick the colours for the next block.  

Hmm, now....will I ever actually finish a whole blanket?  We'll see!  Ha!  Since I'm sooooo good at finishing.  :P