Toadpoles

So, this is happening at our house.

We got tadpoles!   I'm calling it a science lesson for the kids, but really, I always wanted to catch tadpoles when I was a kid and watch them go through metamorphosis.  I'm pretty sure that Harold and I are far more excited about this than the kids are.

We're also the people who can take a nearly free project and make it one of the more expensive projects.  Here is the current state of our "nearly free" kids project.   

 

Let's just say that since mom really misses having an aquarium, that she's pretty easily convinced of the necessity of this set up.    And it was on sale.   And when the frogs are done, I'm getting FISHES!!!!  I mean...ahem....the kids are getting a few fish...ya know...for educational purposes...to teach them responsibility and all that.  Yep,  that's the excuse I'm going with.  (((Squeeeee...I've got a tiny aquarium!!!)))

Oh...and I'm still totally on Facebook...I got so many new migraine suggestions yesterday!  Including one that sounds as close to a pedicure as a migraine therapy can get.  I pick that one!

Oh, and after a little googling, it turns out that our tadpoles are going to be toads, not frogs.  I don't care, look how cute they are!

Blog more....Facebook less.

I think it's time for me to leave Facebook for awhile.    I suppose I'm like almost everyone who is on Facebook, in that I both love it, and hate it.  I love that I feel like I can actually keep up with my friends that I miss, and want to see, but never actually see.  I love that we have the online relationships and can chat during the day, or once a week.   I love seeing pictures posted by friends, of their happy days, and their kids, or their fun activities.   I even love getting messages to pray for friends who have a sick child in the hospital.   I don't want to miss out on these things.

...but... I do find that Facebook also really gets me down.   My need to have friends, and feel like I matter...which, I know..isn't the point of everything...insert whatever sermon you feel necessary to rebuke me for whatever personal sin I've committed for caring right here. 

So much to do, and so much going on.   So much to do right here at home, and yet I never get it all done.   I'm always hopping on to do a quick check and see what new news is on my feed.   Or to post a quick picture of the kids, or a funny thing that they've said.  I waste a lot of time on these little things, but I don't consider recording things about my children, or talking with friends to be wasted time.    The time is wasted when I just aimlessly wander of Facebook, there's no denying the waste there.   

Sigh,  I'm also far to prone to feeling left out, and FB let's me feel a little bit more included in the lives that are going on around me.   I MISS you friends.   I really do.   I miss being a part of what was going on at church.  I used to be involved.  I used to feel like I was a part of well, something... 

Which again...is NOT the point!    I do realize that, but doesn't change the emotions.

FB has a way of making me feel included, but then occasionally, it makes me feel SO excluded.   So on the outside, so alone, so ignored, so unwelcome, so unwanted.

Perhaps this feeling always hits at a time when I'm already feeling a little shakey.   Shakey happens over here.  I have to guard myself against shakey so that I can be a better wife, and a better mom, and not get caught up in feeling lonely when I'm surrounded by the very people who are the most important people in the world to me.  How can I feel lonely, when MY people are right here?!?!   Because I see what's going on somewhere else?  I see what things are happening that I'm not apart of?  How could I possibly be a part of everything?!?   I see what other people are doing with their people, and that I'm not doing that with my people?  Does that make the things we do less fun?   Why in the world would these things matter.   

Then there is the style of interaction of FB.   So small, so superficial.  Our relationship has widdled away to a series of clicks.   I know we're friends because you "like" my photo, and I "like" your status update.    Friend,   I want to go out for coffee.   Or better yet, ice cream!   I will be frighteningly awkward in our conversation, because I'm just frighteningly awkward in social situations.   You'll learn that about me quickly.  I may be worse now than you remember, because now I've been out a lot less often, my head is more foggy, and I'm generally much more scattered and less with it.  Social interaction makes me nervous, and even somewhat flustered.  I'm so worried about saying the wrong thing, or having a booger floating in an out of one nostril that I probably can't even put a real sentence together.   This is all helped by the fact that I don't get out much.   And I'm sure this will all be made even better when I say that the chance of me actually being able to get out for that coffee or ice cream is about 50/50.    

I have three small children.   They're all at a stage that is...well....demanding, and sometimes really tiring.   FB has let me feel like I still see you all, even though I haven't seen many of you in years.   

I miss having knit nights at my house.   Those were fun, chaotic, loud, REAL interactions.  Sometimes we even did some knitting!  Anyone interested in coming to knit nights again?   Wouldn't be very often, maybe one ever couple of months.  

Maybe I'm just going through a "thing" and I'll be right back to FB in two weeks...or maybe even two days.....two hours?   I don't know.  

I have wished for a long time that I blogged more, and was on FB less.   I suppose that won't happen, unless I blog more, and go on FB less. 

Where I fall off track and pretty much suck - Part 6 of That Tummy Topic

This post should be dated February 20, 2014.   That's when it was written, but I really thought I was going to come and polish it up....complete it, add more.... I didn't,  so here it is.   I actually haven't blogged because I knew I needed to come and finish this post before posting more...haha.  How's that for champion procrastination!

So, here it is...  The post that hasn't changed since I first typed it, but took two and a half months to publish.

So, pretty much like everything in my life, I'm an awesome starter.   I'm also a terrible finisher.   I'm all in, but then fizzle out quickly.    This course was different.  It was so easy to do the things I needed to do,  and as I found out, even I couldn't totally mess it up, but I still did a pretty good job trying.   

Honestly, I had trouble in the first two weeks getting all those checks where they were supposed to be, but then the third week came, and the third week I felt like it all came together and it rocked.   I could do my holds standing up while cooking at the stove, or while brushing my teeth or whatever.  Honestly, I'd already been doing that because I really couldn't find enough times a day to sit in a chair for even 30 seconds and do them properly in the first two weeks.   I didn't know what was coming in week 3, and I was already feeling like a bit of a failure, so when I watched those videos and heard the new weeks plan I was so happy!

I know that sounds crazy, that I couldn't find 30 seconds to sit down.   I could find 30 seconds to sit down, I sit down all the time,  but I couldn't find 30 seconds to sit down without someone trying to climb on me, or some other disturbance.   Basically, with three kids aged 3, 1 and less than one, if I'm sitting, someone immediately runs over to climb on.  A few times a day, sure, I can get that time to myself, but not more than a few.  

Edit:  Updated May 10th.     I swear..there was more to this post... MORE... where did it go... not a clue.

Anyways, if I had published my whole post, I would have said that while I was a partial failure...iit turns out I wasn't.  Yep, that's right.  I took about 2 weeks off in the middle, days and days went by as I tried to find the time to catch up.  All I did was my transverse holds and squeezes and worked on trying to move right during the days.   I was SURE I had totally failed the course and that I was so so far behind and this was yet another thing that I didn't finish properly (I have a way with not finishing....) but as it turns out, when I finally got over my dread and just watched the videos, I had already naturally started doing the next things in progression.  WHAT!??!  Not failure?   Sweet!    I was behind on stretching, and I was behind on some of the learning, but I had not lost my progress, and I could just pick up, and keep moving.  PHEW!   

So now, that's where I'm still at.   Is my diastasis totally closed?  Nope.  Do I look better?  Yep!  Do I feel better?  SO MUCH BETTER!!!!     I think my biggest change in physical appearance was in the first few weeks.   I didn't change much in how I looked after that, but I did keep changing in how I felt.  I kept feeling stronger and stronger.   My back is SO MUCH BETTER!!!   It's an amazing difference.   

Kelly said at some point, either in the course or in the forum, that there are certain times of the month for us women, that we're more likely to have the back problems, if we have them, and I've absolutely experienced this.    I am still having a few days every month when my back aches, and I'm quite sure at any moment that I'm going to be turned into a pretzel, but, so far, with the stretching I've learned I've been able to keep it from clicking into the "bad!" position.   It's not a fun few days, but it's so much better than it used to be when I would end up locked into some contorted position unable to stand upright and in pain for a week.     

I still have a tummy....I still have a lot of weight to lose, but I'm down 31 pounds, and I'm still working on the things I learned in the Core Foundations course (somedays more than others) and I'm still trying to remember to stretch.   I think it will be a long process for me, but that's OK, because I have already changed so much, that even if I never progress further than this, life for me now physically, is so much easier than before. 

Actually talking about the course! - Part 5 of That Tummy Topic

There are other rambly parts to this story :)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

So, after finding out that I had a diastasis.  I was determined to fix it!   I read all the information I could find on the Fit2B and Tummy Team websites.  I read testimonials and reviews, I marveled at before and after pictures, and I read all about splinting and the magical transverse abdominus (happy anatomy flashbacks, I loved  anatomy and histology). 

I got a membership for the Fit2B site, and I ordered a splint that I thought looked the most comfortable to me.    The Tummy Team course was out.    I really wanted it, but it just wasn't in the budget.    Then.... there was a sale!   And we somehow ended up with a little bit more money than expected (gotta love when that happens) and I was able to put the course into our budget.

I started in early December.   Olive was 7 months old.   I still looked pregnant.   My diastasis was somewhere around 4 fingers at the belly button,  a little less on the top and bottom, but I'm not very good at checking.   It was deep though, and just squishy underneath.  I could just feel the sides with nothing at all below and I could feel a pulse when I pushed down.

I'd been doing Weight Watchers online at the same time, and just before Christmas I hit 20lbs lost.   The belly wasn't budging though, still all pregnant looking.    I have before pictures.   I did actually take them as suggested in the course.   So I'll just post them below for you.... HAAAHHAAHAHA!  Umm...no.  no I won't.    I will find photos, but they won't be bare belly photos.    Actually, right now, as I'm writing this I just looked back at those belly photos.   I haven't taken new ones,  I haven't lost anymore weight, but wow, the difference is pretty crazy.  I think I will go ahead and take after photos too, so I can really compare for myself.   I really wish I had the courage to show you the pictures, because it's really a bigger difference than I even realized.  I'm a little blown away right now. 

Here are two pictures of me from just after I started the course.  I started the course on Dec 6th. these are from Dec 11&12. The clothes don't help, and there is no side view, but, you get the idea.    Sorry, I'm just not tough enough to show my bare belly online :)

still looking kinda preggers

So, I started the Core Foundations program.   I watched the intro videos and felt like Kelly was talking specifically about me.   I was sitting in bed watching them on my iPad with my headphones before bed and I had to stop myself from shouting "YES!"  every time she said something.   You know some days you go to church and it's like the pastor wrote the sermon specifically to you.   Well, that's how I felt when I was watching the intro videos from the Core Foundations course.   Kelly was talking about ME!  She was describing MY body, and all the broken things that it did, or didn't do.   It was uncanny!

The first day I had so much trouble doing the exercises.   I couldn't do it.   I really couldn't do it at all.   Every time I tried to activate my transverse I just squeezed something else.   Every. Single. Time.    I am too far gone, I thought.   I'm in worse shape than those other people.   I can't do this.    I can't be helped.  I'm never going to get it.    Whine, whine, whine.   Wow, talk about easily discouraged!    I just kept trying, but I was so afraid of compensating, because you must avoid compensating, that I felt like I'd never get there.   I couldn't do anything without compensating, and I was having trouble and struggling with the fear that because I'd be compensating that I'd actually be making things worse instead of better.   

I just kept trying, and whenever I felt the compensating, I stopped.   I tried again later, I could do a hold for a couple of seconds maybe by the end of the first day, maybe it was the end of the first few days.   I'm not sure exactly when it started working but when I was finally able to engage my transverse it was seriously only for a couple of seconds at a time before I had to release and wait again till later.    I just kept doing it, all day long, over and over.   My checklists on the course sheet were not filled out because I didn't feel like I could actually properly check off any of those things.   

It was probably about day 4 before I felt like I could do a hold.    Still shorter than they're supposed to be, but the improvement was so fast!   I went from not being able to do even one hold for one second, to 4 days later being able to do real holds!   After waking up to that feeling and being able to do a hold it was all so much easier from there.  

I realized that without even thinking about it I was sitting properly at the dinner table, and in the car.   I started to actually feel more comfortable sitting properly.    I suddenly noticed that I looked a whole lot different in pants.  Yes, that's really what I meant to write.    Suddenly every time I walked into the bathroom the first thing that I saw was a difference in my belly.   A really big difference.   So quickly?!?!  How can this be possible!  My belly looks so much flatter.   I have still got a fair bit of extra weight on me, but I look very different.   The low roll was being pulled up, and in, and that looks a lot better.  That part that I've loathed, and that has made me feel like a failure, or lazy, or undisciplined, it was half gone. 

The pictures below are taken about 1 week after the pictures above.  These are from Dec 18 & 19.   The clothes help...yes they do.  I was trying to defrumpify, but it's still obvious I think how different I look.    There is only about 2 pounds difference in the first set of photos to these ones.  I think it looks more like there is 20 lbs difference.  Really...just 2. 

Apologies for my picture placements... I can't figure out how to properly format them. 

Abundantly Blessed - Part 4 of That Tummy Topic

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

So, after some fear, and a bit of uncertainty and some unfounded concerns about fertility, we were given these three awesome gifts from God.     Three amazing little people.   Three reasons to get up every morning.   Three reasons to laugh and smile.   Three reasons to STOP! and just look at them.   Three reasons to make sure I read my bible, because I can't teach them about Jesus if I don't know Him myself.   Three little individual persons,...so different, and so alike, and so perfectly perfect for us.

Near the end of my pregnancy with Olive, a friend of mine stood with me in the hallway at church and she said with tears in her eyes, that didn't it just feel like yesterday we weren't sure if we'd be able to have any kids  (We'd been told by the doctor at the fertility clinic after our second miscarriage that we would most likely have trouble, not to wait long, and to come back to him that he would take us)  and here we were expecting our third baby just a few years later.  

There are 22 months between Ruby and Jude, and then 12 months between Jude and Olive.

God blessed us abundantly, and quickly!

So, that's how I got here.   Where I sat in December 2013.   A now staying at home mom, to three sweet littles.   I felt like this is it now.   Since Olive's birth I've felt like now we are starting our life as a family.    That's a little hard to explain, and I'm not sure I get it myself, but I have felt like we're in a new season.

This new season is the one where I get things rolling.   Figure out the flow of our family.  How is it going to work.   How will I work through our days, run our house, teach our children and do all those things that my job entails.    It's also when I suddenly felt like now is the time for me to get my body back together.   I need my body to be put back together, so that I can take care of my family, and do my job, and be the mom.    The time is NOW!  We have arrived!!!  This is what I've always wanted, and dreamed of.     This is our house full of awesome with noise and dirt on it!  

Go to Part 5

The Babies!!! - Part 3 of That Tummy Topic

You can find part one here, and part two here.

So, I left off my last post with my due date for Ruby.    She was due June 2, 2010.  We waited, and waited.   I watched those home water birth plans get flushed down the toilet.    She was a full 2 weeks late, and let's just say that things did not go well.   There was a lot of fear, a lot of trauma, and a lack of care.     Luckily we're both OK, but I was damaged.   Really, quite damaged.      There is a whole long story that could go here, but since I rambled so much in my last post, and Ruby's birth is really a story of fear, humiliation, more fear, pain, exhaustion, fear, and pain, did I mention pain and fear.  I'll leave it alone.

I had surgery when Ruby was 8 months old and that helped a lot, but I was still in pain until after Jude was born.   My lovely OB raised her eyebrows, gave me a look of "what the heck is that" and went to work.   After Ruby my recovery took a little over a year and I was still in pain.   After Jude, my recovery was done in 6 weeks.  It really took the whole 6 weeks and it wasn't fun, but it was done, and I felt truly pain free.   Jude birth was GLORIOUS!  It was a fully medicalized hospital birth.  I had to be induced early because I had cholestasis.  I knew what was going on.   When he was having heart rate problems they were on it.   I was not afraid.   I did have an epidural, and it was a pretty awesome epidural.  I could feel everything, but it was not painful.   Pushing with Jude took 45 minutes.   Compared to the 2 1/2 hours for Ruby it felt so fast!  I felt awesome, so happy.   Jude's birth was really wonderful in every way.  I wouldn't change a thing (except maybe the recovery time).

My back started really going out when Jude was a few months old.    I would kink something, or pinch something and end up a pretzel.   It wasn't that uncommon.   I could tell my posture was different.  I knew my abs weren't what they used to be.  I knew my back problems were likely due to a weak core.    I didn't stand as straight anymore.   In particular, my shoulders rolled forward.  I have never had posture like this.   I grew up having people comment on how good my posture was.  I knew it was terrible now, but I didn't really know how to fix it. 

Jude also just did not sleep in the beginning.  I spent 2 or 3 hours every night sitting slumped but upright in a very uncomfortable chair, patting him and shushing him and rubbing his back for him to sleep.  He would sleep, but woke up every 15-20 minutes crying and I would pat and rub and he would go back to sleep....often with some farts :)    At 7 months old Jude started sleeping 7pm to 7am and he's still a sleeping champion!   We have a terrible time with him once it a while...it lasts about a week, we think we can't go on, then he goes back to 7-7 sleepy bliss.  That boy is like sleeping magic.  

I got pregnant with Olive when Jude was about 4 months old.   Luckily it wasn't too much longer before Jude started sleeping through the night!    Olive's pregnancy was an easy one again.    Ruby's was great, Jude's was terrible, Olive's was great.   I'm blaming the boys  :D  Just joking.

I had cholestasis again, so Olive was a c-section as she was breech.   I clearly can't position a baby properly, as both Ruby and Jude were posterior babies...but at least those two were head down!

So, I had the c-section.   That sucked.  I hated the actual c-section.  The first 4-ish days of recovery sucked too, although not nearly as bad as recovery after Ruby's birth.    Then I started to feel a lot better.   I have to say, the c-section was BY FAR the easiest recovery I had.    BY FAR!  YAY! SUNROOF EXIT FOR THE WIN!!!

Gosh!   Get on with the actually tummy course woman...sheesh...

yeah...sorry... who knew I'd ramble like this.   Next post...promise!  

Go to Part 4 here 
Go to Part 5 here

The history - Part 2 of That Tummy Topic

Warning:  Lots of oversharing going on here.   This is a good post to skip if you don't want to know too much about me :)  it's also turned out to be ridiculously long.   Snore...

Read Part 1 of That Tummy Topic here

So, last post I talked about finding out that I have a rather significant diastasis recti, and about finding the Tummy Team, and signing up for the online course.

I have so many things to say about this that I'm not sure if I'll be able to organize my thoughts well, but I'm going to try.   I apologize in advance if things seem....not quite put together right (ha..kind of like my tummy!).

So, I've never really liked my tummy.   I've always had a bit of extra padding there.  I've always carried weight there.  Even when I was a size 6 at our wedding and I worked out 5 days a week, spent hours in the gym, lifted heavy weights, was cute and tiny...   yeah, I still had that tiny bit of padding over a soft lower tummy.  Not a lot...but there was no muscle definition in my lower abs.  Actually, if I think about it, my mom was built the same way, just overall a mini version :)   My sister is built the same way, and a couple of my aunts are built the same way.   If we were all the same weight, our bodies would look rather similar.    It's fine, I have no bum, I have no outer thighs, this is just my body shape, and honestly, when not carrying around a whole bunch of extra weight, I'm quite happy with it.   I felt pretty awesome in my blue and white daisy bikini on our honeymoon ;)

So, knowing that I always have a bit of a belly, I just thought that this was my new shape, the extra belly.  I have a lot of extra weight on me right now.   I kind of assumed that a lot of the belly would go away if I lost a lot of weight (really...a lot).

The weight gain started when we were trying to have our first baby.    I got pregnant, we were so happy!   Harold was shocked because he knew I was taking the test, and he kind of discouraged it, because he was afraid I'd be let down again.   I wasn't!  It was positive!   That pregnancy did not last long.    We only knew for about a week, but it was devastating nonetheless.  That was in October of 2008.    We were told we could start trying again right away.   It felt like it took forever to get pregnant again, but in reality, it was not very long at all.    When we did get pregnant again, I was a wreak.   I was terrified.   Forget the happy blissful pregnant lady.  I was full of anxiety and fear.   A friend was telling me I just needed to trust in God.  Honestly, it was meant to be a great comfort, but it just made me feel worse.  I DID trust in God, but I didn't know His plan, and His plan could hurt, and it did.    

My midwife knew how nervous I was so she sent me for an ultrasound at about the 10 week mark.   Phew!  I could relax after that.    I was so nervous!   I went in, and waited, ....for a long time.... laying on the bed waiting for my fears to be alleviated.   The ultrasound tech left for awhile, and then came back in.     I had told her that "I just want to know that there's a baby in there!"   She said to me "well, there is a baby in there"  and went around and showed me it's head, and it's feet, and arms and body, and all the little details.    She measured it for me, told me it was showing that it was 10 weeks gestation.  Phew!  That's good!  That's only a few days off from my calculation!  Then she said, "but I can't find a heartbeat".   The only thing I could say was "oh", as I just stared at our dead baby on the screen.   She said "that's not good".   She didn't think I understood what she was telling me.  I did, but I just stared at our perfect little person, who was no longer alive, and apparently had just died very recently...but when?   Yesterday?    Last week?   This morning?  Did I drink to much water preparing for the ultrasound and crush him/her?  (seriously...my irrational mind went there).

We had a long drive home.  We had gone out of town so that we could get in sooner, because I was so nervous we wanted to know things were OK as soon as possible.    As we drove away from that ultrasound, I said to Harold "I don't know if I can do this again"  he just grabbed my hand and said "Ok".   After my first miscarriage I NEEDED to be pregnant again as soon as possible, but this time, I couldn't imagine ever doing it again.

It was nearly another week of being pregnant before things were "over".   People had started to notice that my body looked a little different.   Perhaps I was showing, or perhaps my belly was starting to bloat for miscarriage related reasons, but either way,  people were starting to wonder if I was pregnant.   People were starting to ASK if I was pregnant.    After all, I really was still pregnant...but I was pregnant with a dead baby.   My baby!

 I had to visit my family doctors office and explain to 3 people there, one after another, what was happening.   They couldn't understand.   They didn't understand how I could be pregnant if the baby was dead.   But I wasn't having a miscarriage?!?!  So the baby was fine!  No, I told them again and again, the baby has no heartbeat, the baby is dead.   But that's impossible!  Is it now?   SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!!! YOU'RE DOCTORS!!!!   AND NURSES!!!    That took a lot of explaining and honestly they just didn't believe me.    It was at least an hour of exhausting explaining, over, and over, and having them look at me with blank she's so stupid this paranoid pregnant girl expressions.   So I had to go to another clinic in town.   At least there they knew what was going on.     They confirmed my baby was all there, but had no heartbeat.  They said it was too dangerous to go naturally and they wanted me to have a D&C.   Otherwise, he said, I'd just end up back in the emergency room needing a D&C then because of hemorrhaging.    Then he tried to send me over to the abortion clinic for the D&C because "miscarriage is really just an unplanned abortion"   or something to that effect.    I did not want to go to the abortion clinic.   I didn't think I could sit in the waiting room with women who didn't want their babies, when I so desperately wanted mine.    So, they sent us over to the hospital, where we were put on "board" which apparently meant that we were the last thing to happen, once everything else was done,  and they had an empty OR then it would be my turn.    The nurses were so very wonderful to me there.   We waited the whole day.   I think it was after 10pm when they took me in.    Lot's of other stuff went on here, and scared the crap out of my sweet Harold, but I'm not entirely sure how I ended up telling the story of my miscarriages instead of the story of my tummy...so... whoops!  I guess that's been waiting to come out. 
As we were driving away from the hospital it was after midnight.   I was super exhausted, there was talk about me needing to come back in to get some more blood pumped into me if I kept passing out in the days to come.   We looked at the clock on the dashboard and Harold said to me "oh, sorry sweetums, Happy Birthday"     That was June of 2009.

...and then I really started eating.  ...and eating.... and eating....  Apparently I find food tremendously comforting.   I especially find KFC comforting.   I ate a lot.    Whenever feeling blue, I ate... and ate...  somedays I'm still eating chocolate chips out of the peanut butter jar!

So yeah,  that's when I really started gaining weight, after the two miscarriages. 

The first month we were "allowed" to try again, we got pregnant.   WHAT?!  really.   We got pregnant, and had a good, though very depressed pregnancy.  Near the end I was much better emotionally.   I gained an enormous amount of weight.   Though I was actually pretty fit, and was walking about 1-2 hours every day near the end.   I felt really great physically, and I was so ready for this baby girl to arrive!

I had taken the natural childbirth class. I had read the books.  I was set up for breastfeeding.  I had a home waterbirth planned and my room was set up perfectly with all the supplies requested by my midwives.   I had food frozen.   The baby's room was done.   Her clothes were hung up, her diaper table was organized with all the supplies.  All the cloth diapers were prepped and ready to go.    Our little girl was DUE June 2nd, or 2010. 

...waiting....

Go to Part 3

Diastasis Recti, and The Tummy Team - Part 1 of That Tummy Topic

A few months ago I somehow stumbled across the Fit2B website, and while browsing around I found the video about how to check for diastasis.   I'd already checked, and I didn't have a diastasis, or so I thought.    I figured I'd watch the video anyways, since it was nice and short (I loathe long internet videos...just get to the point, or write it in type so I can skim and get what I need and move on!  /rant).

Click here for a link to the page with the video

Well, it turns out, I'd been checking wrong.   I was crunching up too far, which pulls the rectus abdominus in, and gives you sort of a false negative.   I was following instructions I'd seen on a prenatal workout video, which was specifically talking about diastasis, and how to check for it, and how to protect yourself during pregnancy.   I thought I was all good.

I was not all good.   I have/had a rather significant deep diastasis.   I could fit at least 4 fingers in and push right down into my squishy insides.   I could even feel a nice pulse in there with no effort at all.

Oh dear.  

If you do go to the link that I posted above, you'll read a list of complications that you might be experiencing if you have a diastasis recti including    "...you constantly “throw your back out”..."
Well, I have in fact been constantly throwing my back out since Jude was a few months old.   The first really bad one was last year when we went to the cottage.  I spent most of the week not being able to move much.   After the long drive up, I must have hurt something, because I woke up the next morning and couldn't turn my head.    I've done it several times since Olive's birth.   Which is especially difficult since I've got 3 children to care for now, and the second one is very big, but still young, so needs a lot of lifting and carrying.   Jude was not walking yet when Olive was born, (they are just over 12 months apart).     One particularly bad session had me so twisted up that I couldn't stand straight.   My hips were tipped forward and twisted to the side, my back was curved forward and my neck was twisted sideways.   I was a pretzel for days.   And I had to try to carry a nearly 30 lb kid up and down the stairs several times a day and lift him in and out of a crib.  

I've thought that my back problems are in a big part because of my weak abs.   I have, after all, given birth to three children in under 3 years.    That's got to do something to a tummy.   I guess it really, really did.   

I read on the Fit2B website about the Tummy Team.   I wasn't too sure about it honestly.   It looked expensive, and I couldn't see much about what they offered.   I wasn't even totally sure that it was legit, because I'd just found both websites, and wasn't really sure about Fit2B yet either.    I got a trial membership with Fit2B and then there was a black Friday sale at the Tummy Team, so I squeezed the budget and got myself the Core Foundations course.     I'm rather amazed honestly.    I've got a lot to say, so I'll save it for my next tummy post, which is coming soon.   

Part 2 is here 

Part 5

Silence, while my mind goes wild.

So, I'm sitting here working on setting up some new computer backups, and thinking again of all the blog posts I've thought in my head in the last few weeks, but never have sat down at the computer to type them out.   I keep wishing I could hit record in my head, and just think things onto the blog instead of typing.   There are probably some security vulnerabilities to go with that technology though, so I'll stick with typing.

The Happy and Sad of the day.

Happy:   The Diabetes Association came and picked up another load of stuff that is no longer cluttering up out house.  Including the old artificial Christmas tree, maternity clothes and some toys.   Ruby even let the toys go without tears.   It's tough for her but we keep talking about making more space in our home, so we have room to play with the toys we keep.   She's an amazing girl, my Ruby Roo.

Sad:  All three kids seem to be developing a cough... Jude's is not so much developing as fully developed and sounding barky, and perhaps croup-y.  

Shut the Door!

We are clearing things out.    As Olive is finished with baby things, we're either selling them, or more frequently giving them away.   Much of our baby items were given to us, passed through families, loved many times, and we hope they'll move on to another family, and perhaps another, until they're just plain worn out with love.  :D

One of the first things to go is this bassinet.   All three of our kids have slept in this in the beginning.   Poor Olive was in this until last night!  She is 8 months old, and we haven't got Jude into his toddler bed yet, so Olive is still waiting for the crib.   Last night we pulled the playpen into our room, because honestly, I'm afraid one of these days my sweet Olive is just going to decide to crawl right out of this thing.   She doesn't crawl yet, or sit up, or even army crawl...she just rolls and rolls, and rolls :)  but still, it's TIME!

I thought I'd be really, really sad and have a hard time giving this stuff away,  knowing that if I was giving it away that meant we've shut the door on the idea of anymore children.    As it turns out, I'm finding it incredibly freeing.   We have so much clutter in this house. So many toys, so so so many clothes (the clothes are another story.  They are such a blessing, but I actually got so overwhelmed by them that there are boxes of Ruby's clothes that Olive outgrew before I could even sort...insert guilt here).  So much baby equipment.  

So, yes, back to the freeing part!   I've been looking at things in a new way.  I'm not sure when it happened, but I'm thankful for the change.   I'm loving giving this stuff away!    I'm looking forward and I'm excited about the life before us together in our complete little family.     We aren't planning on any more children, and we're happily moving on, clearing out our house and making room for things like train sets, and a new play room, and a PIANO!!!    Our house is becoming our home!  

We've talked and we're both feeling the same way.  We're done!  But we both always think and dream about a 4th child...but NO!  not right now!   and maybe (probably) never.   We've shut the door,...but we've not locked it.

Sock Sadness

Do you see that my friends?

Yes.  It's going to be a hole.  In my handknit socks.   Do you have any idea how long it takes me to knit these things!   This is a sad sock day indeed.   

Knitting!

THE KNITTING

YES!  I've been knitting!   I finished this!

Another bunny...because every baby needs one of these bunnies!

Oh, knitting.  How I've missed you!

How do you find God’s will for your life?

A friend shared this blog post on Facebook.   I really liked it.

I found the whole is this God's will? thing a little crazy making when I became a Christian...just like what she talked about in the first part of this article...  what if I miss it and set off a chain reaction of nothing being in God's will!   Phew!  Glad that whole thing is over.  :)
Love the second half...  changing 10 diapers..etc... love it.  and ...now I kinda want to try cheeseburger soup...minus the kale ;)

No Maternity Clothes in 2014!

There!   I did it.   I made a resolution.     Olive is nearly 8 months old.   I haven't been wearing maternity clothes, but I have been wearing my maternity coat all winter because I didn't fit back into my old one. I have been doing Weight Watchers online again, and I'm 20lbs down.   I didn't even occur to me that I might be able to wear one of my regular winter coats again until New Years Day, when we were headed out the door.   Harold said something about his coat being the warmest one he had...and I complained a bit about still wearing a maternity coat because that's the only one I had that fit me.   Then I thought "hmmmm"    and grabbed my black Sorel.   I can do it up!!!

 I've been wearing it ever since.   It's way too tight and quite clearly a size (or two) too small...but whatever...I'm wearing it!   It rides up my waist because it's tight on my hips and I look a little sausagey...but...who cares!  I'm wearing it.

I proudly declared as we walked out the door  "NO MATERNITY CLOTHES IN 2014!"

Twenty four years ago

That's a long, long time.

Today is the day that my mom drove away.   Tomorrow morning is the day that they showed up on our doorstep to tell us that she was gone.

Many years I'm blessed with ignorance....I remember the day before, maybe the day after, but not on the day (or two days) of.   Not this year.  Hmm, not sure really what that's a sign of...perhaps nothing.

There is still a little looming darkness leading up to Christmas holidays.   It's supposed to be a happy time, and it is...but superimposed over that there is a little bit of dread.    I think it actually starts in November...or whenever the first Christmas music and decorating starts to pop up... the tiny dread comes with it.

Anyways, I'm not woefully blue, or wallowing in depression, but there really is an underlying sadness today.  Perhaps a bit of an oversensitive fuse if you will.   There are a lot of memories.   Good and bad.  A lot of wondering what ifs.

I always thought it would get easier, and it did....but in some ways it's actually harder now that I have kids.  Watching them makes me miss her, and wish I could ask so many questions....it also makes me wonder how engulfing my despair would have to be to make me leave them.   (totally a Princess Bride pit of despair clip running through my head right now).  I can't even leave them for a week!  I can't imagine thinking that they're going to be fine without me.   Then it hit me.  As I was standing in my kitchen making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and pondering the whole thing once again.   She probably didn't think that we'd be fine without her....she probably thought that we'd be better off without her.   That thought just hit me like a brick and my heart broke all over again.    She probably really thought we were better off without her.  Depression is an evil bitch.   (sorry for the swear..but hoping you'll cut me some slack just this once)

She's so cute sometimes it hurts!

Seriously though...who could complain about anything when you've got this sweet little thing snuggling on your shoulder

That post...where I whine instead of making resolutions.

This was supposed to be that post where I list all the things I'm going to make an effort to turn into habit this year.   So many things!  There are so many things that I need to get together and work into a daily/weekly/monthly/yearly plan to run and care for our household and wonderful children.    I really want to keep up.   I want to make our home nice for us.   I want to have a home that's not cluttered up with junk making us feel unsettled and stressed all the time.    I crave order and space.  

          1 Corinthians 14:33  For God is not a God of disorder but of peace....

Ok..so that might not be in context...but it's seriously calming for me to read that when thinking about our home.    

I want to go through this place like wildfire and ruthlessly cull all the non-essential everything that we have laying around, slightly organized, stored, piled, stuffed, etc.      

I could spend hours and days lost in the basement, or the bedrooms, or anywhere really..... but, often I'm just so tired...    and when I'm not too tired I have three little people that need to be supervised...and then there are many, many days where this is what I see all day.

Yes.   That is one adorable baby.   She's perfect and sweet and so, so wonderful.... and I've been holding her half the day.    Most of the rest of the time she looks like that. NOT HAPPY.    So, my clean house will have to wait.   It's kind of a catch 22.   I want the house in order so that it's a better environment for my children,...but I can't get the house in better order because of my children....hahaha.    Perhaps I just need to drink more coffee.   Isn't more coffee always the answer.   

Yes, yes I think it is.   

Poor sweet munchie...  She just won't sleep!!!  

Moving my blog "back home"

Happy New Year! I'm going to start posting here again. I started my other blog when I opened my ETSY shop, which I'm really not working in anymore. My efforts and energy need to narrow in focus. I want to focus on my family. Just my family. Raising my kids, my relationship with my husband, and my relationship with Jesus (yep..that should all be written in the reverse order :) So, I've just merged all my blogs together into this old, first blog I started. It's ALL here now, and it was SO easy! I'm looking forward to blogging again...I'm sure it will be just as sporadic as before :)

Toy rotation....and letting go of things

A while ago...a long while ago, when it was just Ruby playing with the "big kid" toys, I started a toy rotation.    I followed this article:  http://thelittlestories.com/how-to-rotate-toys/  which I've been wanting to look up ever since, because it was wonderful, but, I completely dropped the ball on the whole toy rotation thing.   With the small set of toys we had out, she played!  She loved them!   They were easy to clean up!   She wasn't overwhelmed with junk everywhere.   

I need to do this again.   For the last 6 months or so I've not been doing sets, I've just been grabbing a box and picking up a whole bunch of toys and moving them to the basement for storage, and bringing up one or two new things.   It's all disorganized.   Oh gosh!  We have so many toys!    I want to get rid of so much stuff, but it's all good stuff, and that's really hard for me to do.    Some of it was gifts, some we bought (although not that much) some was hand me downs, and I have trouble getting rid of perfectly good things.   My own issue.   I need to deal with that.   Perhaps that's why we're buried in clutter ;)

Anyways,  Ruby has a memory like you wouldn't believe!   She remembers the toys, and occasionally she'll randomly ask for one that I wouldn't think she even knows we have.  So there's another reason I'm a little hesitant to get rid of so much.     And then there are the younger two, who haven't had their turn yet with these things, so I'd be getting rid of toys that are possibly going to be their favourites...see?  right?  no?  Ok...  I'm working on it.   

What good are all these toys if they're all stuffed into bins in the basement and not being played with right.    If I get rid of 2/3 of it, and actually rotate the ones that we keep...then maybe they'll actually have MORE to play with rather than less.    I know it's true.   

So, anyone need some little kid toys?   We've got a lot to clear out.   Especially since we got a few more things for Christmas and I don't want them to be lost in the clutter!